回不去的青春 Youth That We Could Never Go Back to

In 1985, at the age of 17, I carried a quilt in a plastic woven bag, accompanied by my father, and took a train for more than five hours. After a bumpy journey, I went to another city in the province, and began my four-year secondary school life.
There are 42 students in the class, including only 8 girls, all from cities in the province, except Qingdao. Either Qingdao has its own independent enrollment system, or Qingdao has its own textile school, or Qingdao students simply disdain to enter such a secondary school.

At that time, I left my hometown for the first time. Everything there around me was so novel and beautiful, and I was also full of vision for the future. I decided to go further on my favorite foreign language path. Since I found the foreign language bookstore on Dongfeng Street, which is not far from the school, almost every weekend I would go there and buy a few books I need. However, it has become a habit for me to go to the foreign language bookstore, which has been maintained until now.

My academic performance has always been the second place in my class. The first is a girl from Zhaoyuan, Yantai. She was only 15 years old when she entered school, the youngest in my class. She was very quiet and short. She didn't like to talk and fight for fun with others, often readingor sitting quietly by herself.

Time flies, and we entered the third year unconsciously. Because we had to go to the enterprise for internship in the last year, we were also faced with the need for us to go our separate ways. Since then, there was hardly chance to meet again.

At this time, some male and female students seized this rare opportunity to express their feelings and go out on dating, and they hardly deliberately avoided the eyes and comments of their classmates. There are three pairs in the class who have achieved good results, and the most unsuccessful love should be my deskmate.

My deskmate is from Jining, the hometown of Confucius, and he has a round face and a fat figure. What is striking is the two strands of hair on his head. At a young age, he was bald, only two strands of hair climbed from left to right, and lay there quietly. He liked to play chess and didn't like sports very much. He often slept in the dormitory, and often dozed off in class, because we were in the last row, and the teacher could hardly find it, so he often succeeded.

Lazy, slovenly, and his grades were almost the poorest. To our surprise, we heard the news of his dating later. The girl turned out to be the class beauty from Jinan. The beautiful and proud class beauty put a lot of pressure on the boys who kept a far-sighted attitude toward her. But my deskmate unexpectedly became the first person to eat crabs, and this love was doomed from the beginning.

It has been more than 30 years since the graduation, but I have never returned to my alma mater or participated in a reunion. At first, my daughter was young and I was busy making a living, moreever, I was ashamed of myself in front of my classmates who became the bosses. Later, it gradually faded, and there was no passion, but those years, as well as the people and things in those years, would still appear in my mind. I occasionally sigh at the youth that we could never go back to.

1985年，17岁的我扛着装在一个塑料编织袋里的被子，由父亲陪着，坐了5个多小时的火车，一路颠簸，去了省内另一座城市，开始了我四年的中专生活。

班里有42名同学，女生仅有8名，来自省内的各个地市，当然除了青岛。许是青岛有自己独立的招生体系，亦或是青岛有自己的纺织学校，亦或是青岛人根本不屑于报考这样的一所中专学校。

那时的我是第一次离开家乡，周围的一切都是那样的新奇和美好，而我也同样对未来充满着憧憬，我决定在自己喜欢的外语道路上走得更远。自从发现了距学校不远的位于东风大街上的那个外文书店，几乎每个周末我都要去那里逛逛，然后买几本需要的书，而逛外文书店竟成了我的一个习惯，一直保持到现在。

我的学习成绩一直保持在班里第二名，第一名是来自烟台招远的一位女孩，入校时她才15岁，是班里最小的。她长得很是恬静，矮矮的个子，也不太喜欢与人交谈、打打闹闹，经常独自一人，看书或是静静地坐着。

光阴似箭，不知不觉竟进入了第三年，因为最后一年要到企业实习，也就面临着同学们要各奔东西，从此再难有见面的机会了。

这时，便有男女同学抓住这难得的机会吐露了心声，谈起了恋爱，而他们几乎也不刻意避开同学们的眼光和议论了。班里有三对修成了正果，而最不成功的一场恋爱应该是我的同桌了。

同桌来自孔子故里济宁市，圆脸，胖胖的身材，引人注目的是他头上的那两缕头发。年纪轻轻，他已秃顶，只有两缕头发从左边爬到右边来，安静地卧在那里。他喜欢下棋，不太喜欢运动，常见他在宿舍里睡觉。课堂上也常打瞌睡，因为我们在最后一排，老师也难以发现，所以他常常得逞。

懒散的他几乎不修边幅，成绩也几乎倒数，可不想后来传出了他谈恋爱的新闻。女孩竟是班里的班花，来自济南市。他的新闻让我们大跌眼镜，美丽而高傲的班花给男孩子们不小的压力，都保持着远观的姿态。可同桌竟然成了第一个吃螃蟹的人，而这场恋爱一开始也就注定了结果。

毕业已经三十多年了，可我一次也没有回到过母校，也没有参加过同学会。最初是孩子小，工作也忙，许是自己为生活疲于奔命，在成为老板的同学面前自惭形秽。后来便是渐渐淡了，也没有了那份激情，但那段岁月，还有岁月里的人和事，还会浮现在眼前，偶尔也会叹息那再也回不去的青春。

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