Growing up I have put in efforts to be more out going, yet its still very dependent on the person or group of people, and I've still been in gatherings where I would sit and watch people after the meeting exchange pleasantries and catch up, groups of two or more, I still put in the effort to equally say Hi to people but everytime I see them relate with others but when it comes to me its like they don't even remember me, well seems like I'm still not VALUED.
I have friends, beautiful relationships that I'm grateful to God for, but I've struggled with not being understood (its not their fault) and at some point I usually feel very alone and not VALUED.
I have made peace with the fact that I don't know how to relate deeply with people, I relate with people daily but like I said not deeply.
Well I have found a friend in Jesus and a companion in the Holy Spirit, I have learnt to stand on my identity in Christ as the kings daughter.
But some times that feeling of being less, of being the least in the group still comes and sometimes through people's attitude (unintentionally) and sometimes through the happenings around.
And when it comes everything and everyone I come across seem to silently be screaming, you are not VALUED.
On Sunday, I was exhausted from the previous week's work, I had planned to get some rest, but I was too busy I couldn't, I had an online meeting I couldn't meet up with, I was tired and upset, upset that I didn't get the rest that I needed, I sent a message in the group explaining why I couldn't meet up, and no one replied, and that's when it came, like something enveloping my thoughts the devil had seen grounds to sow on.
Next day, I was just going about my day, but like I mentioned when it comes, everything and everyone's actions will be screaming towards it,
It started with my word teaching online and it felt like they were being unresponsive, and that's probably because of me, but why now, its not the word of God, no, its definitely me,
Scrolling through social media, I saw a post that said people can like you and not value you, and well that was the fertiliser for the enemy to grow his seed.
I started recounting, from my social ministry, to the previous night's, I thought, that's true that's what it is, I know they like me, they have shown they care about me, but they don't value me.
Going about my day, but my mind was busy all day giving instances, yes people have been kind to me, they have shown concern but that defines it, liked not VALUED.
By evening I was sad and a bit cranky, it was a deep sadness in my mind, I tried to shake it off but I couldn't, I was done from work and I sat down to talk with Father,
I explained how I felt and the Holy Spirit said, is your worth and value now with people,
Me: No, but..... (I keep explaining and telling Him why I feel like that) and while I was explaining the Holy Spirit brought things to my remembrance,
I started recounting but this time it was different, I remembered everytime, the Holy Spirit came through for me, how He showed me love, How He has been there for me right from the point of salvation, how He would fill my heart with His love even when I screw up, how He would pamper me and keep telling me He is not angry at me even when all I could feel was guilt, the effort He puts on me every moment and every day to make me better, how He wouldn't stop correcting me on one thing, and there are things I wouldn't hear, He would lay it in someone's heart to tell me.
He reminded me of the plans He has for me and how many times I have told Him its not possible, He said He will take me there, He is not going to give up on me.
He said no one puts in so much effort on someone that is not VALUED.
My eyes lit up, oh my God that's true,
someone could preach, sing, teach about the grace of our Lord Jesus, the love of the Father and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit, but I have experienced it, I live it.
I don't deserve love like this but His love has made me of so much VALUE to Him that He would not stop loving me, He sees all my weakness and thinks
"you are perfect, perfect enough to show forth my strength, so while you keep stumbling because of those weaknesses, I will keep working on you, till you manifest my strength".
Oh my heart, nothing beats that, nothing, the whole world valuing me doesn't come close,
That ends the devils attempt at manipulating me through such thoughts, he can't sow that seed in my mind anymore because my mind has been renewed with the word of love.
Perhaps there's someone else out there that has struggled with self worth, perhaps you have not been treated well, perhaps the devil has whispered to you that you are not VALUED.
There's a Father that thinks you are worth the greatest sacrifice,
A Saviour that believes you are worth dieing for,
A teacher that knows that you are worth every effort it has to take to make you fulfill purpose.
And if you think, how about you that has not experienced companionship with the Holy Spirit, you have to know that He has been making efforts to draw you to Him and if you would open your heart you would enjoy the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
If you are not saved come to the Lord Jesus, He wants to show you His love. Come and accept Him as your Lord and Saviour.
I pray you go beyond, book knowledge to experiential knowledge of God.
You are LOVED, you are VALUED.