What if there is no tomorrow for us?

It is so easy for us to take life so much for granted. One thing I learned very well from my illness some time back is that Life is now, there is no tomorrow. What is tomorrow? who has seen if I will be able to wake up tomorrow or if I will be mobile or if I will be in a state of 100% functioning.

This is exactly what happened with me, I had this severe bulging disc problem in my lower back but I was moving around and one fine day suddenly at night my feet went completely numb and there was exuberating pain in my legs, I was feeling breathless and my mind had already stopped functioning, all that I could feel was I may never be able to walk again and I was only crying and crying wanting to get out of it. I was trying to move my leg, the upper leg was in endless pain and the lower part was numb. And then the next thing was I was praying that I do not want to live in a state of helplessness. The next morning Doctor gave me a therapy, though nothing much changed but I was able to move myself on the bed. Walking was absolutely out of question.

3 weeks I spent in the hospital where I was going through Acupuncture, Massage, Physiotherapy treatments and I was getting restless by each day, nothing seemed to be working out for me. Rather I was getting bad, my 5 minutes walking time reduced to 2 minutes and then I was not even able to sit.
Obviously night times were the most difficult times and times of reflection, where I would think and think why am I going through all of this and why is no treatment working on me, while this was one side of it, but the other was I was thinking I have so much to do in life. I have set goals, what will happen to all of them. If I will never be able to walk again how will life be for me, ofcourse in such times you kind of bloat up your problem and it may not be that bad as you think.

The only thing that was running on my mind in all this time was that once I am back on my feet I am going to live my life every day, there is no tomorrow for me. Everything that I want to do I will be doing it without pushing it on to tomorrow. List of activities to be done was long, and I was taking it very seriously, I started noting down every single thing that I want to accomplish and start working towards it. But the most important thing for me I realized was that while these are the task that I want to do but there was something more to it that I wanted to happen and that was just being Happy.
I promised to myself that be it whatever I will always be happy and never complain about anything in my life. I have a super blessed life and I should be very grateful for that. All that I wanted was to spend my every single moment of life be it with whatever I am doing in a happy manner.

While I was in pain and all of this was going on in my mind, I was thinking why should I be waiting for a recovery to be happy and then that was really helping me out. I just decided that I do have a condition and I need to fight it out so I will do it graciously then be it whatever the result I will accept. I realized the treatment was not working for me so I left the hospital and visited another consultant and then he suggested a minor surgery which I felt was then needed though I am completely against but then there are times when it is best to surrender so I went ahead and I do not regret the decision.

In this period of reflection, the things to do list became long but over and above that the one decision that I made was that I will just be happy and cut off from all toxic people, relationships and draw my boundaries.
Has this helped me?
Yes a lot and lot, While I have already started working on my list but with the decision I made and by following it I feel very free, I feel liberated. I have been able to get rid of many people who were pulling me down.
Things to do will be never ending on our list but the quality of life that we live whether it is for one day or for 1 year or for 100 years will matter. One thing is for sure I do not ever want to feel helpless in my life ever again in any way, be it physically or emotionally. I cut off from people who drain me out and I have learned to say clear No where I have to.
I am continuing with my lessons and I want to ensure that I do not slip on them.

The learning that we sometime go through in life are very subtle but they leave a deep impact and creates a new foundation. I literally feel like a new person after this whole incident. I feel much more confident about myself.
Now even if tomorrow is my last day of life it would be no different for me, because I am living my each day happily in the present moment doing what I enjoy the most. I am not getting chained up to any external pressures.
My to do list continues, whatever I am able to accomplish in my lifetime till I live I will be happy with it because I know I am doing enough and whatever I am not able to is also fine because somethings may need extra time and I may not have that time at hand so I am happy in all ways.

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"Unlimited Abundance, Blissful Happiness and Unconditional Love"