Dear african men

If you’re not ready to become one, don’t marry. Marriage requires giving up your personal interest for the good of the family. It’s no longer ‘mine’, it’s ‘ours’, your money as a couple becomes OUR money. Marriage requires ACCOUNTABILITY and ONENESS. You’ll have to tell your partner where you’re going to, why, when you’ll be back. It is their right to know. Call it whatever you want, this is marriage. Marriage your consideration of how your actions affects your partner, because it’s not just about YOU! TWO became ONE!

As a woman, if you pay rent, you are not doing your husband a favor. It’s your house, you’re paying rent for your home. Your money is not your money and his money the family’s money. Your money and his money is the family’s money. You can find a way around your finances. Maybe a joint account for family bills where both of you contribute based on how much you make. If you make more, you have to spend more! It’s common sense! Then, personal accounts for your personal flexing, if you want to.

As a man, if you cook, wash and clean, you’re not doing your wife a favor. It’s your darn house. If you don’t cook and clean, who will? Cooking the food you’ll also eat is never an achievement. You’re doing stuff in your home! Again, you don’t babysit your own child. It’s a wrong language to use. You take care of your baby. It’s your job as a parent, as a father: to take off and put on new diapers; to clean up the baby. You’re not helping your wife. You enjoyed the sex that led to it? It’s time to work. Fatherhood is much more than donating sperm!

It is time we get rid of antiquated marriage norms and be partners indeed! Stop the gender roles and let roles be based on capacity and convenience. How would you let your partner to do something you see isn’t easy just because they have a penis or vagina? Unhealthy pressure. This is why many of you aren’t happy in your homes. No partnership, no synergy; just two people placing unrealistic and unfair expectations on themselves based on culture and religion! Homes are made with love and partnership. Love in service, not just by words and flowers.

For Christians, God doesn’t care who washes the dishes or who pays the rent, all God cares is that your marriage is built on the love of Christ and both of you serve yourself happily in love. If two becomes one, that means you see your partner as you! It’s okay if you’re a traditional person. That’s fine. But if you want to be liberal, please make it even. A woman who wants a man that shares domestic chores but won’t share the bills with him is just plain wicked and unkind.

A man who wants a woman who’ll split bills but won’t split home chores is plain wicked. Take off the hypocrisy & selfishness. That’s the problem of this generation, y’all get into marriage with a ME ME ME attitude, forgetting that marriage is a place to SERVE with all you have.