Boring is my friend now, it's so sticking with me. I've watched so many movies and series too from light to dark. But it's still hasn't wipedout my boredom and emptiness. Then I started my blog here, trying to fill my emptiness and boredom by writing here. And suddenly I thought to write a letter to me, me in the future. Maybe next year, 2 more years or 10 more years I can reread this letter again, and I've become stronger than I am now, braver than I am now and already get out of the bad circle I created myself. I hope...
I am now is too labil to make up my mind, I'm the one still afraid of losing by reason of fear of being alone. And indeed it is all part of my ego that is too big and I am a coward.
Used to be I'm so Immature can said still teenager, making decisions carelessly without thinking what I will look like, and what it will gonna be. So here I am now.. in a bad circle and don't have the guts to get out. Yeah its my stupidity ...
Maybe by writed this letter could make me more braver and ease my doubts and concerns. Now I worried about everything like did I've done my best today, whether I've been a good mother to my children, a sense of awkwardness when I hangout with my old friends, do I looked good or even worrying about what people are talking about me.
So many simple worries that everyone might also have too.
I always imagined there was a letter I could read in the future, written and sent by myself in the past. The content may be simple, but when I read it I wish I had become a good friend with happiness. That if I'm hurt before it's okay, because that wound has made me a wonderful human being. Simply, later I can read this letter with a smile.
Dear, future me...
I know you feel so proud being me now, because you've done pass this life lesson to get in this life and take a responsibility of my life. Future me, I saw between you and I, we've found the answer. The answer of every question in the past. You know my life is from moment's in life and a complicated reaction who help me to make you now. I struggle to make myself better for you, everything is just for us. I no longer hate myself. See when I help you let go of the problem. I show you that no matter what is dropped on us, we will still become stronger, smarter, healthier and more creative than ever, because we have the courage to keep going, to let go of the bitterness that will hinder me from being you. I don't want you forget every little thing that made you happy, I want everynight you can sleep with a smile on your face. Either it's because of the wonderfull kids you have, or the work you do, or the social life you keep. Maybe you should always fight to get what you want, maybe sometimes your days get so hard too, but look how far you've gone to this point, how incredible you are. Don't let years changes yours emotion and your beautiful expresion. I want you future me to not lose your self or feel little. I want to show you precious dream is realy exist. At this point, you will find what makes you feel special and different. I'm unique, and I want you to stay that way. This is my will to keep going, continue a very long journey, my will to keep fighting for you, so you can get that smile. Future me, I've been through so many years of our lives till now. We've get a great love, rejection, even the most heartbreak from the past. With love..
Now you've know the decission you've made that day affect to you and your future life. You see what's you feel its not enough, even failed, but for me it's more than enough in your eyes.
But it turns you become stronger than I thought. I can't wait to see you.
I choose to be happy with you, I hope you will always full of joy at every second of your life
You
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Beautiful Life story. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much...
As long you have the chance to watch in your kids eyes you arent alone, as long they smile to you, you have the chance to smile back to em... as long they being around you , you should feel the love ......,
Yes right they are the reason I survive all this time. I want be a better person for them,Every night, when they sleep I stare at them and talk to myself "You must be brave for them"
Thank you very much for taking time to read my post.