Hello Everyone Welcome to the
🤗Goodday to all blurt family and welcome to another Friday 🤗😍😋 #TGIF
I hope we all are doing well. Last week the interaction was so fun!!! and we had a birthday celebrant in the pub. You can check it out here 👉blurttribe Pub ( Weekend Engagement). This idea is to create a space where we all can interact, get to know each other and have fun and there would be prizes🎁 too.
So, let's get down to this week's round, everyone is welcome to add his/her opinion on the topic of this weekend.
Let's get started🚀
First of all, grab a seat, it's going down........
So every Friday of the week, the @blurttribe team would come up with topics of discussion. Feel free to express yourself, share your opinion, comment, ask questions, interact with someone, get to know anyone, reply to another's opinion as long as it revolves within the topic of discussion.
All these must be done in the comments 👇Section of this post
Your also free to use any language🌐
Prizes
Prizes will be announced and given out on Sunday to the winners via the comment section of these post after reviewing their interactions towards the topic.
| 1st winner | 2nd winner | 3rd winner |
|---|---|---|
| 35Blurt | 25Blurt | 20Blurt |
| 4th winner | 5th winner |
|---|---|
| 15Blurt | 10Blurt |
Plus every comments will get an Upvote from @blurttribe and also from our sponsors. 🤗Special thanks to the blurt team for the support so far and to
@endplagiarism
For helping in comment curation and gifting the winners extra blurts last week.
Now here are the questions for the week! You can select any of your choice and comment on, someone might reply you....let the conversation begin....
🔹 Discussion for the Pub
It's not news that a popular gospel Nigerian Singer, Osinachi died from alleged domestic violence from her husband. It's still a shocking news that such a woman of high standards hid the violence in her home and died because of it.
Who was very wrong here, the man who showed signs until he killed her or the woman who saw the signs but remained married to him... Let's discuss!
Possible questions
- What is your thought on domestic violence in a marriage or relationship?
- Are you of the opinion that An abuser will change over time?
- What can a victim do if he or she is being abused in a relationship?
:::Discord :::Whatsapp:::Twitter :::
When I first heard the news, I was so angry at the man for taking the life of his own wife our of anger... But then I had a rethink of the situation, who should really be blamed for this? Didn't the woman saw the signs that this man is a woman beater and flee from him?
And then I heard the news that she had complained before to her pastor, he adviced her to give the marriage a break but she refused... I guess she was trying to keep some reputation there as a popular Singer.
Is it worth it? 🤦♀️ So sad really.
Well, I can only advice anyone facing abuse in a relationship to flee o... Abusers hardly change so never try to change them, instead run for your life 😏
Sadly, the reverse is the case I hear around... People trying to change people, lovers keeping reputation and so many thinking of their children in the marriage but end up dying and leave those children behind 🤦♀️ super sad, I feel really emotional right now 😩
Exactly, is really shocking how someone would see that he/she is being treated with death by his/her spouse and still choose to stay in that relationship, is absurd.
So shocking my dear
I can only wish she saved herself from the hands of that man but she didn't and is dead now
One mentality that we seriously need to get rid of is "He or she will change with time"...like really. Some people will never change, no matter what. Domestic violence is not something one should endure, she endured for so long with hope he would change and now here is the result. Thanks for the wonderful contribution🤗
I so pity her children she left behind, only grace will save them from being imitators of their parents
The children were not bold enough to tell people of their dad abusing their mother. Maybe because the father have also threaten them. It is well, I just pray they are wiser now.
That is true but I heard that the children are still little except the eldest one and I wonder what he did to them as the father that he is.
All this things going on...am sure the children must have been watching, and now they have the knowledge of how their mum died of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is a bad behavior
Exactly my point! God help them to overcome all that had happened
Kbam, domestic violence is not something to endure at all. Please if you know you're being abuse in one way or another, speak up oo, talk to someone you know can help, not just anybody.
The second question: Are you of the opinion that an abuser will change over time?, I can say based on what I have observed throughout my life, that It is highly unlikely that this will happen, because as I mentioned previously, they are learned behavior patterns, even promoted at a cultural level. Thus we find, that it is accepted and celebrated in many societies, that a man has many women, lovers, partners, because it is well seen, and it is considered culturally a sign of virility, success and triumph, (supposedly this ensures the perpetuity of his genes , hahahahahaha, what a poor argument!), regardless of the fact that the main partner (wife, fiancee), suffers emotional and psychological violence. On the other hand, domestic violence is a form of relationship, of attachment, that the child perceived as normal in his early childhood, thus, if there is no firm decision to change the behavior, and other factors are also present, ( therapy, family support, etc.), very difficult for him to change. In general, the abuser does not change for the better, but for the worse, since over time he increases the level of violence and expresses it in even more cruel ways.
Regarding the third and last question: What can a victim do if they are being abused in a relationship?, the first thing is that they realize that they are being mistreated. and that this is not right, that he not only knows it, but assumes that he does not deserve that treatment; this is paramount. The second would be to seek specialized help, be it of a legal and/or judicial nature and therapy. If the victim does not have family support, then the ideal is to look for a refuge for this type of situation, of course, in case this social service exists in the victim's locality.
In any case, the only key for a person, man or woman, to be exempt from domestic violence, is to love theirself very much and not allow this type of phenomenon to be in their life, not even once.
Wow @tarot911 did you just make me read this for more than 5 minutes? 😂 Like I was reading over and over to learn all I had to learn from your thoughts on the situation.
I must say you are right in all you said and I'm glad that you agree like I do that abusers don't change, instead they get worse over time.
Thanks for this amazing contribution to the questions, I'm honored to read from it 😊
Ohhh, what a beautiful commen @merit.ahama! Yes, I think the phenomenon of domestic violence is very complex and is linked to both learning and behavior patterns of the individual and the family nucleus, as well as the energetic: If you do not love yourself, you will hardly find someone who loves and values you in the same way; and vice versa. Greetings.
Indeed, I'm glad to have your response... I just hope people fight against this abuse of a thing.
Thanks and greetings to you too 😊
You did amazingly well x-raying the matter on ground. My own little contribution to what you have said was your concluding part.
Exactly, as a victim of sure a terrible experience, is wise you take some measures to help cub the monster in your partner. And by so doing you will not only save yourself but you will also save your spouse.
Hello @hopestylist! thank you for your nice comment. Well, I think that when there is an aggressor, he can present several alternatives as the core of his aggressiveness: First, that he assaults as part of his learning and believes that it is the right way to bond with others; second, that he assaults because he lacks empathy and enjoys doing so by inflicting pain and grief to another person (a psychopath); third, a mixture of the first and the second alternative. The important thing is, never to enter into a relationship with a person who is an abuser, and that is only possible by loving and respecting each other, because love and respect is what we will attract to our lives. Greetings.
This is an awesome contribution @tarot911. I'm happy to be opportuned to be part of this week's blurtpub.
Domestic violence is very wrong. It should not be appreciated in any way. I read an article where it was stated that her husband told the children that "beating women was very good". This is very wrong and should not be accepted. If a woman does something wrong in a relationship, there are other ways of tackling the situation rather than domestic violence.
Never. Abusers don't change. Men like that don't change. Instead just like as this happened, he'll only be calm for some time. Give him a few months and then see the beast unleash again. They don't change.
It is simple. Leave the relationship. Call relatives and report the situation to them. Life is much importance than such relationships, except such woman doesn't value her life. Neighbors who also see such violence in the neighborhood should intervene in such matters so as to save souls.
I have also come to notice that neighbors these days only take out their cameras to video such acts instead of rendering help. This is very wrong. People need help and having them on video record, isn't the solution. Everyone wants to be popular on social media by being the first to post those kind of videos, but they've forgotten to ask themselves how they would feel if the table turned to them.
(MEN ESPECIALLY), STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!
What a brilliant response from you! The part that got me more is where neighbours and witnesses take video shots of these abuses going on than finding a way to put an end to it.
We hope and pray women know their worth no matter what and flee from abusive relationships.
Thanks for your response
Thank you so much for your kind response.
Omo, I just saw a video of a man beating his partner and dragging her across a cement floor by her hair. I just kept wondering how the person taking the video was just standing and watching it happen, like idg. If she dies, he'll be a witness sef.
Yeah, I saw that video too. I was so pissed. I wondered why someone would just be taking a video instead of helping no matter her crime. That beating was just too much. I also saw kinds standing at the end watching. Maybe it could even be their mother. Aaah!!! This is just so wrong. I think there should be a patrolling agency that can be looking out for such acts and save women.
It's getting too much... I don't know if the videos circulating are doing more harm than good. Like is the awareness exposing these occurrences? Or are the videos encouraging abusers to go harder? I tire
I think it's doing both. People doing that feel they're becoming famous for such acts, as it also exposes the acts.
Good reflections that you do, very successful. I wanted to say something: In my country, Venezuela, in addition to male abusers, there are also female abusers, perhaps in a much lower percentage than that of men, but there are and they are just as harmful as men. Violence is and will always be bad.
Yeah, true. I agree with you. Women too victimise men on this, but very low
To answer the questions;
I think domestic violence shouldn't even be a topic in a relationship. If the partners cannot be reasonable about an issue without involving abuse, then they shouldn't be together. Forget love, you can't love someone and harm them on purpose. You can't be in love with someone who constantly abuses you, unless you were starved of love throughout life. Then it's not even love, it's desperation.
Unless they happen to have a traumatic experience that caused them to change instinctively, nope. I don't think an abuser can change, though they can try, i think they're already wired to dish out abuse as first response.
They should leave. There shouldn't be any compromise. The victim should just leave, there's healthy love in the world. Don't die in a relationship because you think you won't find love elsewhere.
What you say is very true, very accurate: "You can't be in love with someone who constantly abuses you, unless you were starved of love throughout life. Then it's not even love, it's desperation."
And it is that people, due to the great loneliness they experience, are capable of enduring any abuse, just by being accompanied...
These are all on point
-What is your thought on domestic violence in a marriage or relationship?
That's really a No-No. I just don't know how people who hurt their partner physically can call themselves "man".
If I would ever get so angry that I wanted to hurt someone, I'll just punch a wall instead. And I just can't imagine that I would raise my hand on a woman.
-Are you of the opinion that An abuser will change over time?
People don't change. They just don't. What we can change is our attitude towards something.
-What can a victim do if he or she is being abused in a relationship?
Never be scared to call for help. Ask for it. And if that doesn't bode well, just leave.
I know that it will be hard though because usually, a victim of DV is not only broken down physcially, they are broken down emotionally too.
Exactly the point. People only change their attitude over something. And yes, they're broken emotionally too. Sometimes, emotional pains hurts even more than the physical pain.
That’s true too
Yes, I agree with you, leaving might break anyone in that situation down but it's better than allow the violence take ones life.
👍👍
True. It would only escalate
Yes, we should not be scared to ask for help. Because most persons don't want to involve themselves in what is not their business.
It would never be easy for them to speak but they've got to somehow just to save them from dying someday.
Nice contribution to the pub discussion
It is never easy. And it’s never going to be. But it’s the only choice a victim could make to avoid the inevitable outcome of death to either party.
What can a victim do if he or she is being abused in a relationship?
In my opinion, that relationship must be broken.
Because, somewhere in this huge world, he or she must have a chance to live well....
Someone is waiting for her to keep her happy in peace or for love.
So there is no point in wasting your precious life by engaging yourself in such a false relationship.
Totally agree with you, life is short, time is precious, to waste it on someone who will never stop being an aggressor.
Well I think domestic violence shouldn't be a thing in a relationship or marriage because with the little knowledge I have. To be married or in a relationship means that you have invested feelings for each other and therefore you should be able to talk things through if u have misunderstandings, it is said that the talks precede the guns in a fight if the situation degenarates to the extent of an abuse then there is a big problem . I think domestic violence is bad in any scenarios, spouses should be able to communicate effectively and try to understand each other better if it is not the case then there's no need for the relationship or the marriage.
Well I think it is possible buh very unlikely that an abuser will change over time .
If your in a relationship where your being abused and you've tried to talk to the abuser and the abuse continues it will be in your beat interest to leave the relationship or marriage
This is my opinion on this matter.
I think what you say is very correct:
Because if we talk and we are on the same page and committed to the relationship, it would hardly be possible to generate a situation of domestic violence; what happens is that we don't always know how to speak, communicate effectively, that's why it's so important to be aware of our learning and how they influence our emotions. I also think that it is very unlikely that an abuser will stop being an abuser, once that barrier is breached, it is unlikely that the abuser will turn back.
Hello guys, i have much to say about domestic violence, but for now I'm just going to say what's on my mind that i think people should get rid of in their lives. Just one.
That ideology of "what will people say?"
For example, what will people say if i do this?
Thanks
Hello, is it true, sometimes people endure violence just to think what others will say? They forget their well-being for appearances...
My thought on Domestic violence is that Domestic violence happens when someone close to you has power and control over you in the wrong way. It does not have to happen within your home, only within a relationship, especially with a family member or your intimate partner.
It is a major killer of marriages . Whenever you see the signs just flee.
I am of the opinion that the abuser cannot change. Had it been he is ready to change it should be before entering into the relationship because this is not something to manage in a relationship.
I think What a victim can do if he or she is being abused in a relationship is to separate from the relationship simply. Because whatever you cannot stop is able to stop you.
Nicely stated, I love your point, an abuser will always stay an abuse, yes he/she can curtail it for sometime but sooner or later, he/she would do what they know how to do best,So like you said it's wise to FLEE.
This is the phase, what you cannot stop, is able to stop you. Thank you so much @joshbam for this amazing contribution.😘😘
That's it....very true!!!
Straight to the point and I support your response... Flee, no time to change someone that doesn't want to change, let person nor die in the process 😏
I think the woman is wrong in the sense that she should
have sort for help from friends and family instead of dying in silence and being bothered of what people or the church would say. Better still when she notice the husband was not ready to change she would have left the marriage to save her own life.
What is my thought on Domestic Violence?
DV is a NO-NO for me, I think no ones deserves to be treated like an animal or used as a punching bag. We all deserves to be cared for and loved well like kings/Queens that we are.
An Abuser hardly change except the ones that really wants to change then the sort for therapy.
If someone is being abused in a marriage or relationship and you have waited for a change from him/her, I suggest you leave. If it is in a marriage you can stay away from them like five or six months without reaching to them, make the abuser feel and know how important you are in his/her life. Then come back to them but if the abuse still persists then divorce is the best option.
In the case of a relationship, BREAKUP is the best option.
It is really hard for an abuser to go sort for therapy because they love what they do, they enjoy it when people are scared of them.
Nice contribution @oluomamjay.
Thank you @hopestylist
But some abusers act because of anger and once they are over with that anger, they feel really bad and regret their actions. They even apologize for their actions so these kind of abusers have conscience, they always want help because they are not in control of their actions most times.
Hmmm!!!...they still need help ooo because anger is a deadly poison!!
That is not a justification for hurting others. If he/she feels bad after the first, second and third attempt and still continues, the victim should take necessary actions.
Because the people always feel remorseful after every attempt doesn't mean he/she has repented, one has to be wise.
Yea , like you said, I think some people keep silent because of what people, friends or the church would say, so they keep it to themselves. Some might also keep it low out of love. Keeping distance is also good if one notices such.
People really need to wake up to this.
Sharp sharp breakup in a relationship that was leading to marriage 😂 I can't be dating you and be taking beatings anytime you like... It will surely end at the first sign I get.
Sadly, some girls and women fear being outside the relationship/marriage to being inside, they prefer to suffer the hurt... God forbid bad thing abeg 😏
It’s appalling that some girls prefer to suffer just to answer the name MRS .
This is another fact!!!
Shit! I hate the thought of it 😏
🎙️ Good day to all blurtters all over the globe and welcome to this weekends pub, Do check out the discussion topic on domestic violence. Let's hear from you, what's your say on it??Expecting to hear from you all.
Tgif
I just poured out my heart 😩 abusers should stop already but is it even possible?
The story of Osinachi still gets me angry whenever I think about it
I think the both of them are at fault. The man may be so absorbed in his deep rooted toxicity that he doesn't see anything wrong with the constant abuse; but on the woman's part, i believe keeping her reputation and that of her marriage may have been part of her reason for not seeking help, and the idea of being in a marriage for better or worse. It wasn't worth it, because now she's dead, and nothing can be said or done to change it.
It's the fact that people are only beginning to speak up now that the domestic violence thing has become widespread. It's almost like a pandemic. God help us😪
Congratulations, your post has been curated by @dsc-r2cornell. You can use the tag #R2cornell. Also, find us on Discord
Felicitaciones, su publicación ha sido votada por @ dsc-r2cornell. Puedes usar el tag #R2cornell. También, nos puedes encontrar en Discord
Has sido curad@ por @visualblock / You've been curated by @visualblock
Puedes apoyar a nuestro Testigo @alberto0607 aquí /You can support our Witness @alberto0607 here