The little boy was very confused.
After his arrival at the wonderful new town of Blurtania, and the cheers of approval from the crowds when he announced himself, something had shifted....
This place wasn't quite as it first seemed, and this really upset the little boy.
After He'd bought himself a nice big house there, he was looking forwards to making it a home – but then things changed.
He'd first thought that everyone enjoyed freedom of speech here, but didn't turn out to be the case - at all!
He wasn't too bothered about the free speech thing itself, it was the fact he'd misunderstood how things were.
He hated getting things wrong'
It brought him out in terrible rash - but he'd also found that if he was never wrong, the rash didn't appear.
So he'd decided to never be wrong, and avoid that itchy rash.
Not only that, getting thing wrongs meant that he was stupid, and because he knew that he wasn't stupid, he also knew that he never got things wrong.
In fact, He knew that he was far cleverer than most people, so it must be that it was other people that were wrong, never him.
This sense of certainty that he had of himself always made him feel much better - and rash free .
Unfortunately for the little boy he had to accept that he'd actually been wrong this time.
It was costing him a fortune, in anti-histamine creams.
While the large crowds might have loved free speech, he found out that his betters - those with more power - didn't see it in the same way...
By jumping on 'the free speech wagon' when he'd arrived, it meant that The King himself disapproved of him.
And that made him very sad.
And because he was so clever, he knew that one Kings approval meant a lot more than hundreds of poor peoples approvals.
And he so wanted to be liked by his betters, more than anything else in the whole wide world !
So one day he decided that he needed to gain favor - from the King himself.
The king was mostly benevolent except for when he wasn't (and then he was a total twat).
And The king especially hated it when people who were speaking their minds, made him look like a total idiot.
The king wasn't 'the sharpest tool in the shed' and most people knew this - but he was the The King - and that was all that mattered to the little boy.
The King had power and the little boy had always found that the stirring in his pants tended to happen most, when surrounded by people with power.
The little boy just loved being around people with power, as it made him feel like a real life grown up.
He also knew that many of the poor people in Blurtania didn't much approve of the kings authoritarian ways – including The Prince.
Prince Iples wasn't very popular in the kings court, and He'd been banished from ever speaking to the king.
(this was after the Prince had pointed out to him that using sophistry only led to chronic impotence, much to the displeasure of the girlies).
This was where the cause of the little boy's confusion had come from.
When he'd first arrived in Blurtania He'd thought that Prince Iples was the person to gain favor from, only to then realize that it was King Drivel who had the real power, not the silly Prince Iples.
After watching Prince Iples laughing all the time, being happy, and looking intently down the cleavage of every woman he came across, he started to really dislike the Prince.
Prince Iples had no real power, not like King Drivel - just the ability to speak with logic, common sense, and laughter.
So when he openly started to mock King Drivel in the The Market Place of ideas, the little boy was aghast!
You never talk to people more powerful than yourself in such a way, it's just not nice.
Plus, the little boy knew that the bigger the house that you owned, the more powerful you were.
Prine Iples house was no more than a tiny hovel, surrounded by tomato's and garlic.
The little boys house was very big , but it was nothing compared to the size of the Kings residence.
That was a full sized castle !
Castle Ego had belonged to ruling family, The House of Libtard, ever since Blurtania was founded - and it overlooked the entire town.
After realizing that the Prince Iples was nothing more than a happy philosopher who loved life, and who enabled people to laugh far too much (and living in a house much smaller than his own), the little boy thought it was a good idea to see if he could, somehow, enter the House of Libtard.
He wanted to reside in the halls of power, mostly because his own house, although large, had fallen into a state of disrepair, and real estate prices were cratering.
Plus, the toilet was now totally blocked.
This meant that own house was becoming so full up of shit, it'd started to reek - and he didn't like that one little bit.
...the people that once welcomed him with open arms, now laughed at him a lot and his increasingly smelly dwelling.
He hated it when people laughed at him.
But not nearly as much as he hated being wrong.
(and both of these things gave him a really nasty rash).
So with the sound of giggles from the common people fading away behind him, he set off to see King Drivel.
...After turning onto sycophancy lane, which was the road leading to the palace, he found that there was a different rules here.
Rather than the freedom to be what whatever you like, he was told by the kings guards that he must take of his hat, and always walk 'cap in hand'.
He didn't mind being told what to do (he rather enjoyed it, actually), but having to put on the face nappy again annoyed him.
(it really interfered with being able to toke on his reefer).
….Once his face mask was firmly back in place he continued on his way to see the king.
As he walked up sycophancy lane somebody approached him....
At first he thought it was the village idiot, as he had a tattoo on his forehead that said ' tatoos means you're clever', but he was mistaken.
'Well, not entirely', He thought to himself, as his new companion walked besides him, offering him slices of pizza.
“No animals were killed in the making of this pizza, btw' said his new friend.
'Except for the hundreds of thousands of animals that actually were', thought the little boy, ' Through industrial farming practices, to bring you a meat free pizza.'
As they both walked up sycophancy lane to castle Ego, the little boy decided that he liked his new companion.
He always liked people that he could impress and who never questioned his view of the world.
'It was as things should be', thought the little boy.... 'But if he has a bigger house than mine, there's gonna be trouble'....
'Oh, whats that?', said the little boys new friend, pointing to a shiny new sign above a shop that read 'The next best thing'.
'I dunno' Said the little boy, “But it says it's the next best thing, so it must be good, lets go have a look inside'
And so they did.
The owner of the shop, Mr Beelzebub, greeted them warmly.
He had very friendly smile and both the little boy and his new companion knew that you could always count on a smile, to accurately gauge if a person was nice or not.
“If you're going to see King Drivel, I have just the thing for you”, said Mr Beelzebub, pointing at some magazines.
'Does the king like kiddie porn then ?, said the surprised little boy as he glanced over the stack of material.
“No, I don't thinks so....but he does like, this ! ” Mr beelzebub replied, passing a magazine over to the little boy.
It was bitcoin magazine.
It was something that he himself read avidly.
(his large pile of 'Penthouse MILF'S' magazines were for research purposes only).
'Maybe the King wasn't the total buffoon that everyone said he was', Thought the little boy, 'Maybe he's actually as clever as I am'....
.....“And may I offer you some anti- laughing powder, also ?”, Said Mr Beelzebub
...“ I'm sure the The King would appreciate that as a gift.”
The little boys new companion started laughing.
“Hahahha!.... anti-laughing powder...that's funny.”
He offered a slice of pizza to the shop owner, saying, "No animals were killed during the making of this pizza, it says so on the box, so it must be true”.
The little boy liked his new best friend (and maybe now his only friend) , and thought that he could come in very useful in the future ....He liked friends that were both useful, and idiots, at the same time..
'And sooooooo much easier to use', he thought, 'Rather than that very strange looking, Prince Iples.
Prince Iples made him very uneasy, and he could think of nothing better than currying favor with King drivel by supporting him in his quest to ban free speech.
The two companions left Mr Beelzebub's shop with their gifts for the King, having ' conveniently forgotten' to pay for the bitcoin magazine and the anti-laughing powder.
While they walked up sycophancy lane towards Castle Ego, they talked about how stupid Mr Beelzebub was, for letting them take his wares without asking for payment.
They knew that they were really clever by being able to get away without paying for The Kings presents.
And Mr beelzebub smiled, marking down the transaction into his little black book.
“Nothing is free, my two little orc-equettes”, He giggled.
He always found it amusing that the really clever people, always managed to be able sell their souls - without ever realizing it.
“Meat free, maybe ”, He laughed, thinking about the village idiot and his friend.
....”but it still manages to be covered in stuff that looks blood red...”