Once again I made the mistake of digging through my old pictures. Over the years I've accumulated quite a few, especially since digital photography has taken over and we also have some pretty neat photo makers in our phones. And since I must have passed quite some wonderful places during my travels, I often tried to capture place and moment forever by pressing the shutter button. And now all those memories are slumbering on my hard drive and some of them have long since disappeared from my mind.
But as soon as I open the big album again, they come back and flood me with stimuli and emotions. Apparently I have quite a large repertoire of feelings stuck in me, which break out unasked and quite impetuously. Most of the time it doesn't take much at all to make my heart beat. Sometimes it beats with joy and curious excitement, other times with overwhelming grief and sadness. With feelings it is exactly the same as with farting, suppressing only brings further problems and therefore we better let both run free. And that's why as I travel through some of my images, I just allow my emotions to roll over me like the waves of the Pacific Ocean.
It's been quite some time since I had the great fortune and also honor to travel Down Under, but come to think of it, that was the start of an even greater adventure that had pushed me further and further out into the world. If I hadn't dared to take that first big step back then, I might still be looking out the window today, dreaming of the world out there that had always been so enticing to me.
I have seen the world out there, but I still wanted to go further. My longing simply did not allow me to stop and linger for any length of time. In the end, I seem to have found my place after all, at least nothing is pulling me incessantly away at the moment. Maybe the reason is that I am living far away from home now and that I have gained a completely different perspective now. Foreign land is suddenly very close and even after years still exciting.
But then there are those moments again when longing strikes. Apparently it has allied itself with its sister, melancholy, and both begin to tug at me again. Now, as I write these lines, I know exactly where I would like to be at this moment. One more time down there at that other end of the world, one more time standing at the beginning and having the great unknown adventure ahead of me. With this big backpack full of hope and anticipation, but also with a fair bit of uncertainty about what is to come. With quivering hearts and yet so open and curious. I would love to do so many things again, but time and life cannot be repeated.
That's why it's so important to occasionally reminisce about the past, but at the same time to embrace the present and to look forward to the future. It's our life and we have so many opportunities even now to shape and change it. I, too, am finding it harder and harder to see and then seize opportunities and I know what I definitely need to work on. Hopefully in twenty years I'll be sitting there again looking back full of longing at some more years in which I've lived, loved, but also suffered, and which I absolutely wouldn't want to miss at any price in the world.
I didn't want to look at the past again. Sometimes a past pain can be a strength to overcome a present situation...
I like to look at my past a lot. there is so much I can take to help me in the present and the future