陈年旧事之‖灌水的盐罐 A thing of the past ‖A salt pot filled with water

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When I was a child, I was often teased by some naughty friends: a wild girl who has no mother.

I do not know when to start, I am no longer ashamed and helpless to cry, but bravely to each other to defend their dignity. "Mother born without mother" became a shameful label in my childhood, a taboo I must not touch. Little I was like a hedgehog with a wound in my heart, vigilant against the unfriendliness around me.

When I was in fourth grade, there was a male teacher in his 40s. He always had a straight face, and only smiled when he saw the headmaster, and his smile was very wide, showing a few iron-clad false teeth. While he was talking to the headmaster, I once stood by and counted carefully, two on the left and three on the right.

Maybe it was because I fought a lot. Despite my good grades, the teacher didn't like me.

One early winter afternoon, he called me to the office, he tilted his head to glance at me, his mouth was holding a cigarette, smoking while the sound: "Why do you owe so?" Why did you beat Hu Xiaolong?"

Hu Xiaolong is the nephew of the principal, the class is the tallest but was arranged to sit in the front row, naughty first class, with the support of the principal's uncle, a little fearless posture, the students are afraid of him three points. Before, Hu Xiaolong tore up my exercise book, I told the teacher, he made a sound in his nose, no further.

This time, Hu Xiaolong once again asked me in front of his classmates, "Where did you come from without your mother?" What if it's on a tree? Or did it just pop out of a crack in the rock?" The students around began to laugh. I froze for two seconds, then lunged at him, grabbed his collar and wrestled with him.

He was a head taller than me and far more powerful than me. I didn't win that fight. I had my pigtails torn, my buttons ripped off, I got punched in the stomach several times, and then he threatened to have his uncle fire me. I snorted and stood tall, not afraid to cry.

At this time, in the face of the teacher's query, I did not expect him to do justice for me, I was a little absent-minded, eyes glanced out of the window, the brain inexplicably emerged with an idiom, and without thinking, equally inexplicable said out: "to its good!"

The teacher got angry, pounded the table hard, and angrily went to the principal. And then he got me the honor of a school warning.

Resentfully returned to the classroom, sitting on the seat, I tried to pull the sleeves of the sweater that has been short, thinking of the "serious warning" punishment, at the end of the year, "three good students" evaluation designated no play, my heart felt lost.

All afternoon I was in a trance, and the clear wind of early winter came running in through the window, barking miserably. I looked out of the classroom blankly. The sky was gloomy, and there was not a single leaf left on the branches of the old locust tree on the school playground, only branches of varying length remained.

After school, I was made to stay and clean up. When I finished sweeping the floor and cleaning the Windows, it was dark and the school was empty. Behind our classroom is the dormitory, which is a place for several teachers from other villages to cook and rest at noon. The doors and Windows were closed and it was cold. The teachers' dormitories were all corridors, and all the kitchens were on the opposite side of the corridor outside the dormitories, with an oil-stained glass window next to the kitchen door.

I went over and quietly pushed open the window. Under the sill lay a huge salt shaker full of fine salt. I reached in to lift the lid and, without thinking, poured in a large load of 舀子 water from the tap. Then grabbed the bag and left the school like a flying, heart beating like a fully wind-up side drum...

I was ten years old. There's no explanation for why I did it without warning. Is it to vent the emotions stored in your heart? What emotions can a 10-year-old have? Complaints about teachers? Or am I ignorant and unsatisfied that fate has been unkind to me? Or maybe it's not that complicated, just naughty. Who knows?

The next day, the teacher was the same as usual, the classroom was the same as usual, the school was the same as usual, as if last night had not happened...

小时候，常常被一些调皮的小伙伴戏谑称：有娘生没娘养的野丫头。

不知道从什么时候开始，我不再羞愤无助地大哭，而是勇敢地向对方挥拳捍卫自己的尊严。“有娘生没娘养”成了我幼年时期一个羞耻的标签，是我决不能碰触的禁忌。小小的我像一只心里有伤痕的刺猬，警惕地提防着周遭的不友好。

四年级的时候，班里来了个四十多岁的男老师。他总是板着脸孔，唯有在见到校长的时候才会笑，笑起来嘴巴咧得很大，露出几颗包着铁皮的假牙，在他和校长聊天的时候，我曾经站旁边仔细数过，左边两颗，右边三颗。

或许是因为我经常打架，尽管成绩不错，但这个老师并不喜欢我。

一个初冬的午后，他把我叫到办公室，他斜着脑袋瞥了我一眼，嘴上叼着根烟卷，一边冒烟一边冒音儿：“你咋那么欠？为啥打人家胡晓龙？”

胡晓龙是校长的侄子，全班个子最高却被安排坐在最前排，调皮捣蛋一流，仗着校长叔叔撑腰，有点天不怕地不怕的架势，同学们都畏他三分。之前，胡晓龙撕了我的作业本，我告诉这个老师，他鼻子里嗯了一声，再无下文。

这次胡晓龙又当着同学的面，直眉瞪眼戏谑地问我：“你没妈你到底是哪来的？难不成是树上结的？还是石头缝里蹦出来的？”周围的同学开始起哄大笑起来。我愣了两秒，随即扑过去，薅住他的衣领就和他扭打在一起。

他个子比我高一头，力量也远远在我之上。那一架我没有赢，辫子被扯散了，扣子被拽掉了，肚子结结实实挨了好几拳，临了，他威胁我，要让他叔叔把我开除。我嗤之以鼻，巍然而立，不哭也不怕。

此时，面对老师的质问，我压根儿没奢望他能为我主持公道，我有些心不在焉，眼睛瞟向窗外，脑子里莫名其妙冒出了一个成语，而且不假思索，同样莫名其妙地说了出来：“投其所好！”

老师怒了，使劲捶了下桌子，气呼呼地找校长去了。然后给我争取了一个“全校严重警告”的光荣名额。

悻悻地回到教室，坐在座位上，我使劲拽了拽已经短了一大截的毛衣袖子，想着这个“严重警告”的处分，年底“三好学生”评比指定没戏了，心里怅然若失。

整个下午我都心神恍惚，初冬清凛的风从窗缝跑进来，凄厉地叫着，我茫然地望着教室外面，天色阴沉，学校操场上那棵老槐树枝头已看不见一片叶子，只剩下长短不一的枝条，树丫间有个鸟巢，很单薄，听不见鸟鸣，也看不见鸟的影子。

放学后，我被罚留下打扫卫生。当我扫完地擦完窗户，已暮色深沉，学校里已空无一人。我们教室后面是宿舍，是供几个外村老师中午做饭休息的地方。此时也门窗紧闭，冷冷清清。教师宿舍都是通廊，所有的厨房都在宿舍外面的走廊对面，厨房门旁边是一扇油渍斑斑的玻璃窗户。

我走过去，悄悄推开窗户，窗台下面放着一个硕大的盐罐，盐罐里装着满满一罐细盐。我伸手进去揭开盖子，不假思索，把从水龙头里接来的满满一大舀子水倒了进去。然后抓起书包，飞也似的离开了学校，心跳地像上足了发条的边鼓……

那年，我十岁。无法解释我为什么要毫无征兆地去做这件事情。是为了宣泄积蓄在心中的情绪吗？十岁的孩子能有什么情绪呢？对老师的怨尤？亦或是懵懂中已不满命运对我的刻薄？也或许没有这么复杂，仅仅是因为调皮。谁知道呢？

第二天，老师和往常一样，教室里和往常一样，学校和往常一样，好像昨晚的事没有发生……

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