Joseph and I planned for his family to meet mine. I did everything to make sure that my family never thought about coming to Joseph’s village because just one look at his family’s living conditions would make them to withdraw their consent. A man who cannot take care of his family is worse than an infidel. However, no-one would know about his sacrifices better than I, like the fact that he solely shouldered responsibility for his brother, Joshua, who had just entered the university and that of his sisters who had no skills they could use to fend for themselves and that of his parents who had amassed debts just to get him through school.
“Your sisters do not act like people that got educated at all. Junior Secondary is a huge deal,” I said to Joseph few days to their visit.
“They were not doing well in school. None of us was. However, while I was punished for failing till I was able to get a good reading technique, they were told, “Don’t worry. At least, you passed primary school. Girls are not meant to be smart enough to pass.” When one is brainwashed like that all day, sometimes, she begins to believe that lie especially when she cannot see a role-model to prove that belief wrong.”
Joseph gave me a look that said that he wanted me to be their role-model.
“Well, I don’t want them to disgrace themselves in front of my family. I picked out some clothes that they will wear – four sets of clothes each so that it does not look like the clothes are just for the visit. Just try to inform them about my people and their ways,” I said.
“You too. Tell your people to bring their elegance down a notch, if not, they will offend my people,” he replied.
“No problem. I can’t change the way my people speak their English. So, I told them to speak more of Igbo. They were excited as it meant your family respects tradition and heritage. When I told them that the food to be served is pounded yam and vegetable soup, it was music to them.”
Joseph burst out laughing and said, “Your family is so easy to convince.”
“Yes, until they mistakenly see your family house,” I replied.
I was already finalising my cooking when Joseph called that he was close to my house with his family. My uncles and relatives were also on their way to my house. My engagement was a big deal as I was the eldest daughter in my immediate extended family. My parents had two boys before me and all my paternal and maternal elder cousins were males.
When my husband’s people came, my parents received them joyfully and showered them with praises. I could see the shock on their faces as they saw how beautiful my parents’ house was. My parents led them to the living room and offered them seats. They sat only because they were too tired to stand. And that was not because I refused to sit in their house but that they felt that bodies would get the chairs dirty! Everything looked so flashy to them. After they discussed for a while, I set the table and my parents invited them to the dining room.
Even the aroma of the food could cause someone who had just eaten to become hungry again. The dining sets had beautiful designs and were shining clean. Their growling stomachs did not give them time to think. Immediately after the grace, they attacked the food as if they had not eaten for several days.
“You love the food, right? My daughter cooked it,” my mother said.
I could see the pride in my mother’s eyes. And I had just passed my mother-in-law-to-be’s test on my own terms.
“Wait oh, you can pound yam? Then, why do you always act delicate?”
“No ma. I did not pound the yam. I used yam pounder.”
“Yam pounder? You hire people to pound your yam?” she asked.
“No mother. Yam pounder is a machine and not a person,” Joseph said.
“Children of nowadays. You are so lazy. There is now a machine to pound yam!” she exclaimed.
“You are right. This generation finds it too easy. I remember those days that I had to pound yam. You can see how strong my muscles are. However, I decided to work hard so that my children would not suffer. You see, this age is so fast-paced. To keep up with the time, one cannot spend the whole time pounding yam but to look for easier and more effective ways,” my mother said.
“But isn’t the easier way too costly?” Joseph’s father asked.
“You tell me. Your son now owns a company which does contracts, some of which are worth millions of Naira. If you did not suffer, he would not be here. And if he does things the same way you did them, he will never go far in life. We want our children to excel,” my father said.
My father’s statement was a huge mistake. None of Joseph’s family members knew how much he made from the contracts. How would they understand that majority of that money went into the company’s new building or that the remaining profits were divided by ten people and Joseph made many expenses? At the end, he had only little money which he used to take care of his family. I could see that they were shocked and they gave me the sinister look. I must be the one eating their son’s money that they worked so hard for. Would they understand that I was the reason that their efforts paid off in the first place?
After the meeting, I was to follow my husband and his family to go back to the village. During the journey, his family members kept asking him what he saw in me. They kept complaining and grumbling that Joseph reacted in anger.
“Can you all please just shut up!” he said.
I knew Joseph so much that I knew how patient he could be. If he ever reacted in anger, it meant that something else was bothering him. And he could never insult his own parents!
I looked at his face and asked, “Sweetheart, what is the matter with you?” but I did not need him to answer the question because I immediately knew just by looking at his face.
“I said it. This girl is a witch that wants to take all of my son’s money. Can you see how our son is talking to us? He is not in his right senses,” his mother complained.
“Sweetheart, stop the car, now!” I ordered.
Immediately, Joseph stopped the car and I stepped out.
“This is bad oh. So, a small girl now gives commands to my brother and he obeys,” Lily shouted.
I quietly went round to the driver’s side. Joseph knew what I was doing and stepped out also. I climbed unto the driver’s seat while he went round to the front passenger’s seat. I started the car and continued the journey.
“Sweetheart, please, search my bag. There is paracetamol and a bottle of water. There is also chocolate cookie to give you strength for the drug.”
Joseph looked at me surprised. How did I have everything in my bag?! His family members kept complaining that I was giving orders to Joseph that they did not understand the situation. Honestly, if it were to be my family members, they would have sensed the red card instantly and begun to suggest ways to subside his intense headache.
“There are also ear-plugs to block out their noise and help you to rest.”
Joseph looked at me and smiled. Then, he did just that and in less than five minutes, he slept off. The family members kept complaining such that I put on the car stereo to play Christian music and block out their voices. My song selections were so great that they soon forgot their complaints and began to enjoy the songs that were playing. Soon, all of them slept off apart from Joshua who helped me with the directions.
Very close to the village, I stopped the car and gently woke Joseph up. “We are close to your village. How are you feeling now?”
“Very fine, thank you,” he said as he stepped out to take over the driving.
“Oh, she cannot drive in our village,” Rose said, laughing.
To them, I was not as good a driver as I thought. Since they were all asleep, they did not see me dodge potholes and drive in dirt roads. The truth was that I could not drive in a village that devalued women. Even though I wanted to prove that women were capable, that would not be at the expense of Joseph’s honour. “Imagine. He is so weak that a lady is driving him.” That was also why his family members were never to know that Joseph’s contributions to that house was barely 40% and that the capital and contacts that made his business a success came from me!
Joshua was surprised that I did not respond to his sister’s comments. He later told me that at that moment, he decided that he had to follow his brother’s footsteps and marry an educated woman, someone that had a university degree. This meant that if something did not happen fast, the women of my husband’s village would become ineligible for marriage as all the educated males would look for ladies up to their standards.
From that day, Joseph’s family members began to make unrealistic demands on him. After a while, he called me and he was actually thinking about sending some money to them.
“What are you saying? Can’t you be a man for once? Honestly, I can never marry someone that is pushed about by the whims of his family members who do not want to gain understanding,” I responded in anger.
“Darling, don’t talk to me like that,” Joseph said.
Alright, I knew that he was facing so much pressure and he did not deserve the insult on him or his family members that suffered for him.
“I am very sorry for my choice of words. However, if you give in to their demands, your business will suffer greatly. Explain to them that this is your sowing season and if you eat your seeds, you won’t have harvests.”
“How do I explain I am building a house with the money I don’t have.”
“They met my parents, right? Tell them that you will lose me if the house is not built and you cannot live without me. Take your stance as a man.”