My thoughts about starting from scratch

Starting from scratch can be pleasant or not, depending on the context. Sometimes, in order to get rid of a difficult situation, we would like to make a clean slate; however, neither for better nor for worse, it is something so simple.

Starting from scratch, from dream to reality

After finishing my university career, I had a recurring dream, that when I went to look for a grade, it had been lost, so I had to look at that subject again, in order to receive my degree.

That made no sense to me, I was already graduated, so it was not possible, moreover, it always repeated itself.

The funny thing was what I felt every time that dream appeared, a very unpleasant feeling in my stomach, like when you fall into the void, I was terrified of having to devote time and effort again, to something that I already considered finished. I would wake up with tachycardia and thanking God that it was only a dream.

A few years later, I finished a graduate degree and it happened when I least expected it. When I was looking for my certified grades to apply for my degree, my English grade was missing. I had the same empty feeling in my stomach.

To top it off, the professor who taught that subject had left the country. In short, I had to register and take the exams in order to obtain my master's degree.

Then, that dream disappeared.

Another dream that has accompanied me repeatedly, is that my husband and I separate, which causes me a worse feeling than the previous one, because apart from the emptiness in my stomach, I feel fear, desolation and sadness.

Curiously, what scares me the most in that dream is the fact of starting over, of seeing myself walking alone, without a compass and not knowing where to start. I don't know why, but in that situation, I feel helpless, it's as if I lost all the strength I think I have. I am sure that perhaps those who have gone through that experience understand it better than I do.

I confess that sometimes it scares me that it will happen, my dreams and I have a long history. However, I can only live in the present, it is the only thing I have.

The reason I mention those dreams is because that is when I have felt the worst about starting from scratch. My life as a child was not very stable, we moved house and city several times, so starting a new life, with new schools, neighbors, friends ... is not something scary for me.

In my job, I have accepted several challenges, for example, as a reservoir engineer, one day, my boss told me that I had been asked to take the position of leader in the personnel administration management, which was just being created. Everything had to be done from scratch and it was up to me to accept or not.

The reason I was eligible for this position, being a petroleum engineer, was because I had done a master's degree in HR Management. Without thinking about it, I accepted, even though it was something totally new and different from what I had been doing so far.

I managed to leave everything in order, for me it was a great experience and after three years, I asked to be returned to my original position, as a reservoir engineer.

Then, my former boss proposed me to train as a geostatistician, because he needed one in management. It was also something new for me and I had to study everything about it, so I did it again, accepted the challenge and it was a great decision.

I fell in love with that specialty and I stayed in that position until I decided to move to another city, to be by my husband's side. Those who read me already know that he worked far from home and we saw each other only on weekends for nine years.

So what happened to me then?

Starting from scratch in another city, working for the same management, but with other functions and other colleagues. Thanks to that change, I got to know the world of cryptocurrencies, because it was there that my colleagues showed me this path. Everything happens for a reason.

I believe that life is a constant starting from scratch, which is not bad, it is just something challenging, which prepares us for new challenges.

In any case, with all the times I have had to reset my life, the ones that have scared me the most, are the ones about dreams, as I said before.

For some time, I seriously considered leaving my job, for various reasons, but, after almost 20 years in that company and a year away from my premature retirement, I think it was not a smart thing to do. Everything has its time.

I do not know if my decision will be the right one, but I think that in these situations, the balance must be in favor of our benefit and our peace, we must really believe that whatever happens on the way, it is worth it, otherwise, we will regret it in the short term.

Photographs of my property.
Emoticons made with Bitmoji.
Separator made in PowerPoint, using the official Blurt logo.
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)