My conscience is very annoying, sometimes it seems so noble and other times so terrible... it does know how to behave in an incongruous way. But the worst thing is the feeling that it gives me of being disoriented, unconformed and in constant inner battle.
I question even my belief system, I always think that I could be wrong and that no one owns the truth, everything is relative.
A simple case
I have learned that I should not ride in the car with strangers, there are always strangers on the road asking for a ride. My husband has stressed to me that it is a very dangerous thing to do, especially if I am alone. He also tells me not to trust appearances, even pregnant women have turned out to be assailants. I know it is not in all cases, but I understand the risk.
So, every time I see someone under the hot sun waiting for transportation, near my place of work, where the service is lousy and they stick out their hand, with the customary sign to ask for a ride; I keep going, because in theory it is the right thing to do, and at the same time I feel bad for doing so.
There is a higher power
In spite of the displeasure it may leave me when I assume a measure like that, I think it is the best thing to do and I do not break it, because it is like going to a war warned, the consequences would be my responsibility. Moreover, something inexplicable happened to me once, I saw a lady asking for a ride and I could not avoid stopping, in spite of my reasoning.
It was something very uncomfortable for me, because it was like doing something forbidden consciously, like breaking the law, but a force greater than my will (could it be the creative force?) made me stop my car and give this lady a ride.
I was nervous, I had not done it before (or since). Coincidentally or causally, I would be taking a different route home that day and it was the one she needed, I was dropping her off right at the destination I was going.
What gave me peace was that when the lady got into my truck, she told me: thank God you stopped, ma'am, I was praying for someone to take me.
Then I understood where that power above me came from.
But yes, I can see in my daily life how these opposing forces confront each other and it is then when I have to decide what to do in each case, but I must also know how to live with the consequences.
I really lean towards whatever gives me peace, whatever lets me sleep peacefully, and I thank God for being able to choose according to what I feel, believe and think.
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