Today has been a great day, but not in the sense that anyone would think, we were doing cleaning at home and also, finally came the air conditioning technician, as our air conditioners are giving some trouble, the truth is that they need a good maintenance.
And so is everything in life, for something to work well, it needs care. You can not expect only to receive, you also have to give. Nor is it only about giving what you want, but what the other needs.
Years ago I heard, for the first time, a priest say for the first time that there is no merit in helping someone we like, that anyone can do it, I remember that I was shocked by his words, because it seems obvious, but I had not thought about it.
I immediately realized that I do not have works with merit, because I do not remember having helped anyone whom I do not esteem in some way.
Recently another priest said the same words, but this time I was surprised that even, years later, my actions still have no merit, because I still don't do anything for anyone that I don't like. Somehow I thought if it would be a message for me. Although I rather think it's more like I've got that sack left.
They say that we come to this world to love and to serve, but from what I understand, that service has nothing to do with those we love. The truth is that I need to reflect on this.
The phrase "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need it most" also comes to my mind now, because normally I tend to stay away from conflictive people, it seems healthy for me; however, in moments like this I question myself if I am doing the right thing.
It's hard to put on a scale what someone else needs and what I need and have the scales tip in favor of the other...I can see that being a selfish thing to do.
Even when we give of ourselves to those we love, it is not always well received, because, as I said before, many times we offer with insistence, what others do not want to receive, like when we want to fix someone's life, but in our own way, or with speeches that no one wants to hear, or when we offer to do things, that in reality they are not asking us to do.
It is not easy to find the balance between what we want to do and what we must do, between what we can do and what others expect from us... when I think about it too much, it is exhausting, that is why I often prefer not to think.
I have heard many times that I should do what my heart tells me to do, but it turns out that I may have a selfish heart that is honest in what it does, but falls short of being noble enough. At this point I can only think of asking God to change my heart.
Yes, sometimes I can be a bit intense in my thoughts, sometimes I don't know if the world is as complex as it seems, or if on the contrary, it is simpler than I think.
For now, taking it one day at a time makes sense to me, just as questioning everything only at times, in small doses, doesn't hurt.
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