Layers that cover me

I believe that all of us live experiences that hurt us and then we begin to cover ourselves with armors or layers to avoid being hurt in the future, it seems logical, but the danger is that these layers do not allow us to enjoy enriching and beautiful experiences.

When I asked myself how many layers are covering me, an onion automatically came to my mind, and it's even lazy to try to remove all the layers.

Then I meditated that my armor is a serious matter, really since I was a child I have received many emotional impacts, although I always play them down, thinking that "others have it worse", the truth is that they were hardening my skin, learning to stay strong to resist whatever comes, but the worst thing is that it seems that I am never sufficiently prepared.

The reason why I had very few romances in my life was precisely because I was the tough one, the one who didn't believe in anyone and wasn't willing to play the fool. And I think it worked, it saved me a lot of suffering, because although I still suffered, at least it was only once, so it could have been worse.

Imagine how hard it was for my husband, who is now my husband, when I swore I would never get married. I believe that God has his own plans for us.

It also happens to me, on a day to day basis, I lose spontaneity by thinking too much, I try to say the appropriate thing, not to hurt others, to avoid problems, I even try not to be trusting, I give myself time to get to know people to feel a little more relaxed, still, not completely, I always have some reservation.

This makes me think that I never finish peeling off all my layers.

Yes, it's exhausting, although it's something I do in automatic mode and I hardly notice it, except for moments like this when I think about it. I think I've always tried to measure up, first of all I tried to be good enough for my parents, my family, my teachers, friends... for everyone I care about in some way.

I remember when I was a teenager, my sister used to call me the perfect one, because she wanted everything to always be the way it should be; now I understand that it is something hateful, I can try to be the best I can be, but I can't make others act the way I want them to.

I have worked on learning to say no, to compromise less, to stop caring what they say, to recognize that I am not perfect, only human and that making mistakes is natural.

Many layers still cover me, fear keeps them attached to me, I feel that they protect me and although I work on removing them as they weigh me down and I notice them, it seems to be a job for the rest of my life.

I understand that instead of working to be better every day, I should rather find what makes me happier and happier.

At least I can see it and I intend to do it, step by step, you get far.

Photograph of my property.
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Separator made in PowerPoint, using the official Blurt logo.
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)