Marriage is like an impossible infrastructure which you need to work on throughout your lifetime to make it function and also reap the benefit of getting started with the infrastructure. It's not something you get into with a trial-and-error mindset.
I've met some married folks and heard stories of more who are struggling in their marriage lives for several reasons. The more you get to see such stories, the more you will be able to see that it's not all rosy in marriages. Some households are similar to hell and we often see this when people are married to partners who are diabolical, malevolent and narcissistic.
On an interpersonal level, these qualities are not particularly likeable in people. Those who are conscious about themselves make an effort to make sure they are not diabolical, malevolent or narcissistic. This is because it affects their relationship with people and it gets worse when you bring that type of attitude into Marriage, a 'forever and ever' union.
Nevertheless, I think it's important to say this about marriage and I'm trying to say it right;
If what you have in mind when getting into marriage is that you will get a divorce whenever your partner displays 'any' bad character, then, you need to first push marriage out of your top 12 priorities and focus on growing up.
Do you see? It's already getting complex!
You are with someone who has loads of bad characters that you can't deal with, but it's already said that marriage is a forever and ever affair. A lot of marriages are like that. Each of the partners brings their flaws which aren't helping the relationship in any way, and they know it's ruining the happiness of their partner, yet, they don't even care enough to make necessary adjustments.
When it gets a little too much, the home becomes a battleground where people who previously professed their love to each other are consistently getting on each other's nerves. For most people, the only reason they are still together with their partner is because they don't want their child(ren) to grow up without having both parents.
Well, if that's what marriage is all about, we may as well remain single forever, eh?
Is it only a union where partners break each other in half and take advantage of each other till death (or more recently 'break-up') or, is there something positive happening in the world of the married?
Hah! Brace yourself!
While some marriages (the majority) that I know about give an uninspiring message about being married, I'm glad that I've also come across some married folks who truly enjoy their married life. Some marriages are so adorable, it almost feels like the kinda marriage you see in Romantic shows.
I think anyone wanting to get into marriage would surely want to get into the type of marriage where both couples would genuinely care about each other's welfare and respect each other. They would be willing to be the best they can be so they can significantly and consistently work on building the marriage. They would also be ready to help their partner become the best they can be.
This doesn't in any way suggest that both partners shouldn't argue. Nope. I don't think you can be with someone for so long without having some misunderstanding or having to argue about something. In fact, and I say this with all sincerity, when picking a partner, make sure you are getting into a marriage without someone you can argue with.
If your partner does something that isn't growing the relationship or something that is generally bad and you know you don't like that, but he or she isn't the type of person you can talk with about what they are doing wrong, then, it's not a healthy relationship. What happens in such marriages is that the husband or wife stomachs every bad character his/her partner has without making any effort to point out that something is wrong.
Well, how long are you going to live like that? Two months? Two years? Twenty years?
Please, wake up!
How about you point that out the first 3 times you notice the character and talk with your partner so you can tell him or her what's wrong with what he/she is doing?
If you are with someone who you can talk with on that level and the person pays attention without trying to make caricature of your words, and the person makes an effort to improve on whatever you mentioned, then, you are going to learn so much from each other.
My stance on marriage
Since marriage is a union between two people, there is a huge risk factor attached to it. Let's say you are emotionally, psychologically, mentally and financially prepared. What about the next person? Is he or she also ready and capable of making the necessary sacrifices attached to being married?
You know, what it takes at the foundational level is for someone to get into a marital relationship with another person who's ready to extend his/her hand and trust each other as they work towards building a solid and sustainable relationship, despite their shortcomings. It has to be done together or the foundation wouldn't hold up for long.
I've seen a fair share of both inspiring and uninspiring marriages. I always see these as lessons and I'm learning so much about what I want in my marital life and things I wouldn't want in it. I learn these things and I do a really good job of practising these things at the moment so that when the time comes, I will be the best Hubby to my wife and the best Dad to my kids.
The world of the married is a risky place which I'm willing to get into when the time is right.
Spanish Version
El matrimonio es como una infraestructura imposible en la que debe trabajar durante toda su vida para que funcione y también obtenga el beneficio de comenzar con la infraestructura. No es algo en lo que te metes con una mentalidad de prueba y error.
Conocí a algunas personas casadas y escuché historias de más que están luchando en su vida matrimonial por varias razones. Cuanto más vea esas historias, más podrá ver que no todo es color de rosa en los matrimonios. Algunos hogares son similares al infierno y a menudo vemos esto cuando las personas están casadas con parejas que son diabólicas, malévolas y narcisistas.
A nivel interpersonal, estas cualidades no son particularmente agradables en las personas. Quienes son conscientes de sí mismos se esfuerzan por asegurarse de que no sean diabólicos, malévolos o narcisistas. Esto se debe a que afecta su relación con las personas y empeora cuando traes ese tipo de actitud al Matrimonio, una unión 'para siempre jamás'.
Sin embargo, creo que es importante decir esto sobre el matrimonio y estoy tratando de decirlo bien;
Si lo que tiene en mente al contraer matrimonio es que se divorciará cada vez que su pareja muestre 'cualquier' mal carácter, entonces, primero debe sacar el matrimonio de sus 12 prioridades principales y concentrarse en crecer.
¿Lo ves? ¡Ya se está complicando!
Estás con alguien que tiene un montón de malos personajes con los que no puedes lidiar, pero ya se dice que el matrimonio es un asunto de siempre jamás. Muchos matrimonios son así. Cada uno de los socios trae sus defectos que no ayudan a la relación de ninguna manera, y saben que están arruinando la felicidad de su pareja, sin embargo, ni siquiera les importa lo suficiente como para hacer los ajustes necesarios.
Cuando se vuelve un poco demasiado, el hogar se convierte en un campo de batalla donde las personas que anteriormente se profesaban su amor se están poniendo constantemente de los nervios. Para la mayoría de las personas, la única razón por la que todavía están juntos con su pareja es porque no quieren que sus hijos crezcan sin tener a ambos padres.
Bueno, si de eso se trata el matrimonio, también podemos permanecer solteros para siempre, ¿eh?
¿Es sólo una unión en la que los cónyuges se parten por la mitad y se aprovechan mutuamente hasta la muerte (o, más recientemente, la 'ruptura') o está sucediendo algo positivo en el mundo de los casados?
¡Ja! ¡Prepárate!
Si bien algunos matrimonios (la mayoría) que conozco dan un mensaje poco inspirador sobre estar casado, me alegro de haberme encontrado con algunas personas casadas que realmente disfrutan de su vida matrimonial. Algunos matrimonios son tan adorables que casi se sienten como el tipo de matrimonio que ves en los programas románticos.
Creo que cualquiera que quiera casarse seguramente querría entrar en el tipo de matrimonio en el que ambas parejas se preocupan genuinamente por el bienestar del otro y se respetan mutuamente. Estarían dispuestos a ser lo mejor que puedan para poder trabajar de manera significativa y constante en la construcción del matrimonio. También estarían listos para ayudar a su pareja a convertirse en lo mejor que pueden ser.
Esto no sugiere de ninguna manera que ambos socios no deban discutir. No. No creo que se pueda estar tanto tiempo con alguien sin tener algún malentendido o tener que discutir por algo. De hecho, y lo digo con toda sinceridad, al elegir una pareja, asegúrese de contraer matrimonio sin alguien con quien pueda discutir.
Si tu pareja hace algo que no hace crecer la relación o algo que en general es malo y sabes que no te gusta, pero él o ella no es el tipo de persona con la que puedes hablar sobre lo que está haciendo mal, entonces, no es una relación sana. Lo que sucede en tales matrimonios es que el esposo o la esposa soporta cada mal carácter que tiene su pareja sin hacer ningún esfuerzo por señalar que algo anda mal.
Bueno, ¿cuánto tiempo vas a vivir así? ¿Dos meses? ¿Dos años? ¿Veinte años?
¡Por favor despierta!
¿Qué tal si señalas que las primeras 3 veces te fijas en el personaje y hablas con tu pareja para decirle qué tiene de malo lo que está haciendo?
Si estás con alguien con quien puedes hablar en ese nivel y la persona te presta atención sin tratar de hacer una caricatura de tus palabras, y la persona se esfuerza por mejorar lo que mencionaste, entonces vas a aprender mucho de entre sí.
Mi postura sobre el matrimonio
Dado que el matrimonio es una unión entre dos personas, existe un gran factor de riesgo asociado. Digamos que está preparado emocional, psicológica, mental y financieramente. ¿Qué pasa con la siguiente persona? ¿Está él o ella también listo y es capaz de hacer los sacrificios necesarios relacionados con el matrimonio?
Ya sabes, lo que se necesita en el nivel fundamental es que alguien entable una relación matrimonial con otra persona que esté lista para extender su mano y confiar el uno en el otro mientras trabajan para construir una relación sólida y sostenible, a pesar de sus limitaciones. Tiene que hacerse juntos o la base no aguantaría mucho tiempo.
He visto una buena cantidad de matrimonios inspiradores y no inspiradores. Siempre veo esto como lecciones y estoy aprendiendo mucho sobre lo que quiero en mi vida matrimonial y las cosas que no querría en ella. Aprendo estas cosas y hago un muy buen trabajo practicándolas en este momento para que cuando llegue el momento, seré el mejor Esposo para mi esposa y el mejor Padre para mis hijos.
El mundo de los casados es un lugar arriesgado en el que estoy dispuesta a entrar cuando sea el momento adecuado.
Thanks For Not Missing Any Full-stop Or Comma
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Marriage is indeed a significant commitment that involves a certain level of risk for both individuals involved. It's not just about being prepared emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and financially, but also considering if the other person is equally ready and capable of making the necessary sacrifices for a successful marriage.
Building a solid and sustainable relationship requires trust, mutual support, and a willingness to work together despite each other's shortcomings. It's essential to have a partner who is willing to extend their hand and embark on this journey of marriage hand in hand.
Through observing various marriages, both inspiring and uninspiring, you gain valuable lessons about what you desire in your own marital life and what you want to avoid. Taking the time to practice these lessons now allows you to strive to become the best husband and father when the right time comes.
Marriage can be a risky endeavor, but with the right partner, timing, and commitment, it can also bring immense joy and fulfillment. It's commendable that you are willing to enter the world of marriage when the time is right for you, taking into consideration the lessons learned and your aspirations to be a supportive and loving spouse and parent.
Wishing you all the best in your journey towards a fulfilling and successful marital life when the time is ripe for you.
Wow... Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this talking points. I really appreciate it and that is so much to learn from the point you highlighted.
Truth be told, marriage isn't something that people can jump into without thinking in through. It takes a great deal of commitment to do well in marriage but not everyone is capable of making that commitment and this is why it is important for us to make sure that we are ready and that we are getting into it with someone that is equally ready.
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