Today I suffered again from a crashing blood pressure about less than an hour to go before the scheduled end of treatment time. But I lasted until 30 minutes to go and I just have to give-up because my vision is getting blacked-out as it just made me both worried and terrified since it is not a great of a feeling if you are just experiencing a thing like that.

It feels like my brain would shut down any minute in that instance so I have to get the attention of my nurses for the second time and I know the repercussions, they will going to terminate the treatment which they did and that I will not going to target my dry weight which is for sure because I went home a bit heavier than the last time.

I already run out of options on how to control or prevent a botched dialysis session. It seems that eating a salty snack didn't do anything nor taking Caffeine capsules. What more if I haven't taken some Caffeine capsules, some coffee, and some energy drink?

My nurses insists that I should eat (rice and some viand) but I already know that even though I eat my blood pressure still goes down. Sometimes I am also not eating anything but some candies and my blood pressure remains stable.

So I do not know what to do anymore. I guess that it is just in my case that I really cannot get the full time of dialysis session and it makes me feel frustrated and sad because this means that I will going to get filled-up faster with fluids and that I should not eat more simply because I will going to get filled-up with toxins too.

Even food terrifies me, it makes me get some energy but after eating really I feel toxic. It is because as a dialysis patient the food I eat also gives me after-effects and it is just unpleasant especially if I would get filled with fluids.

Nothing that I could do really but to cope with it because it is beyond my control. I am trying to manage it but things would not happen as I want it to be. All I can say that I am still doing an excellent job considering my time as a long-term dialysis patient but even though that is a thing to be maybe proud of but I still wanted to always reach my goal for me dialysis treatments, I am still thankful to God.

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