BREAKING NEWS !

Reports are coming in from across the globe concerning a strange phenomenon known as 'pussy awareness'.

Pussies across the globe are showing strange behaviors that have been hitherto, unknown in the modern age - but ancient Egyptian texts have alluded to such occurrences.

Some people are blaming global warming and/or President Putin for this behavior - but other people that are capable of thinking for themselves have come up with some startling conclusions.

According to historians - this may be the prophecies of Ancient Egypt coming true.

It was written that a time will come where cats join forces with some strange beings 'from the frozen wastelands of the south', and will act as faithful servants to these entities.
(which makes a nice change as that will bring down that air of superiority they have, a notch or two).

The ancient manuscripts go on to say that when the furry felines receive instructions from their masters, from the frozen wastelands of the south* - they will stamp their authority over the human race and thus, usher in a new age.

It seems that this could be that time - and going off reports - they might well have received some kind of 'activation' message.

The ancient Egyptian texts state clearly that the time will come when all the cats of the earth will listen to the voices that will be sent by 'the entities of the southern wastelands' by means of 'harnessed lighting'.

*Scientists have confirmed that the area known as 'the frozen wastelands of the south' is in fact Antarctica and not Cardiff in Wales (as had been previously thought).

REPORT:

A cat owner in South Korea had the surprise of her life when she returned home after work.

Miss Lik-Mi-Kwim, 23, said that she returned home to her pet moggy to see him doing something very strange.
"He'd always had a massive superiority complex, like all cats do, but this was really creepy", She said.

She told us that after few minutes of watching him do this, her cat 'Me-Bos-Yu', turned towards her and stared intently at her.
"I swear that I heard a strange mans voice voice in my head when he turned to stare at me, saying, "What you lookin' at bitch ? I'm the daddy."

Since she contacted us to tell us of this strange behavior, we've not been able to contact Miss Kwim directly, but we did notice that her twitter feed mentions that she will now be taking a trip to a place called Bangor, in south Wales - With her pet moggy !

If that wasn't strange enough, a couple told us that they now think their pet cat can fully understand what they're saying.
"We were both talking about the household budget getting a little tight, and he (her husband), just mentioned that we cut could save some money if cut back on the expensive cat food and bought a cheaper product. Our cat, Tiger was next to us when we were talking, and He just went completely crazy for no reason, chasing my husband all around the house, biting and clawing him. It was then that we started to think that he understood every word we said...It all feels very strange."

Since this attack, they've decided to cut back and only have one meal per day, between them - and will continue buying Tigers' favorite meals.

"What's really weird about this, is that after this attack, we've both been hearing voices in our heads whenever we're around him, and they say things to us that are really nasty. My husband is now suffering from erectile dysfunction."

Is this the Ancient Egyptian prophecy coming true?
Who - or what - are these being from 'the frozen wastelands of the south' ?

Interestingly, a recently discovered document found in a place called Slough, England purports to contain an account of The Creation itself - one that flies in the face of all biblical texts that have been so far discovered, and is an account of things leading up to, and including, how everything came into being.

We will be giving a full report on these writings, just as soon as we find someone brave enough to actually visit Slough - famous for being the dullest place in the UK (and some say, the entire universe).

In Olde English, Slough can be translated to ' Where the devil gets sent to repent when he's been really naughty.

This photo was taken by a reporter that was on the outskirts of Slough.
He'd intended to go and look at the newly discovered manuscripts, but his courage failed him at the last moment and he had to turn around.
(we have since found a reporter suffering from manic depression and no purpose in life, who says he will go to read the lost texts)

Coincidence?
We think not.
This story just seems to get stranger and stranger.

COMING UP !
THE UNSEEN TEXTS.

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