On my convocation day, Joseph visited with his nine other business partners. He told everyone how I was very instrumental in his business success. After the party, he took me out on a celebration dinner. Some key members of our fellowship, his partners and some of my closest friends were at the restaurant. I was so surprised that there were no strange faces there.
“This is a great setting for a proposal,” I thought.
However, once again, Joseph turned that occasion to talk about his business prospects! He also asked me about what I wanted to be in life. As at then, I was so concerned about Joseph’s success that I did not think of mine. Still, I had so many skills that I could use any time I wanted. I was a great cook, seamstress, child trainer, interior decorator, financial manager, horticulturist etc. and so, I could easily use any of the skills to earn money depending on my location and the situation.
After we discussed at length, Joseph’s fork fell on the floor and he stooped to retrieve it. It took some seconds for me to realise that one of his knees was on the floor and he was not just retrieving the fork but a tiny box which was under his chair the whole time!
He brought out the box to reveal a very beautiful ring as he asked, “Virtue Chukwuma, will you do me the greatest honour of being my wife?”
“Finally,” I muttered under my breath and then, I brought up my hand and I said, “Yes.”
Joseph carefully slipped the ring unto my finger and he announced to everyone, “She said finally.”
Everyone began to laugh and Princewill teased him, “No oh. Keep waiting. You are lucky that no one came to steal your lady from you.”
“She is mine. No one can steal her,” Joseph replied with smiles.
Even though my parents were not perfect, they were the best examples of a married life that I knew about. As such, I did not wish for a marriage that was not as good as theirs.
“Love is not the only ingredient that makes a good marriage,” my mother always said. “Look for a man compatible to you.”
By compatible, my mother meant high standard of living, rich (at least enough to give me a decent life), hardworking, handsome and intelligent. Since, marrying a non-Christian was not an option for me, my mother never even mentioned great spiritual life as a criterion.
Anyway, I took her advice and that of several others from books I read, marriage seminars that I attended and personal discussions that I had with married people to write a long list of questions to ask Joseph about his background to ascertain how compatible we were to each other. He patiently answered all my questions and I was very satisfied that he was the one for me.
One of such days, we went on a date and this time, we discussed the next steps in his business.
“My partners and I have decided that we need a physical building as our office. The rented room that we stay in is too small for us and the rents keep going up. I told them that I can get a very cheap land to build on in my village and my village really needs it because we are a bit backward compared to other communities.”
“How do you mean that they are a bit backward? Tell me more about your village,” I said.
“They do not have electricity nor pipe-borne water. There is a primary school there which is the only good thing. Girls are not permitted to study past primary school level. “The education of a girl child ends in the kitchen,” they say. My sisters studied to junior secondary school level but they dropped out because of the intense criticism and the fact that they began to believe that the education of a girl is useless. It is just a typical village like in the olden days,” he replied.
“Do such places still exist at this age and time?” I asked.
“Regrettably, yes. That is why I want to situate the company there so that they will at least see the light of civilisation,” he said.
“So, where will we live after marriage?” I asked.
“In the village, in my family house,” he said.
“Are you serious? I cannot live in that place. I did not grow up with that life. I cannot cope. And there is no way I will marry someone that lives with his parents,” I said in desperation.
“Darling, there is no way that I would situate my company in my village and live elsewhere. First of all, that would be a waste of transportation money. Are you not the one who is always conscious about limiting expenditures? Not only that, how do you think my family members and other villagers would feel about that arrangement? Can’t you see that there is no other option?” he explained.
“Are you marrying your villagers or me? I am so sorry, my decision is final. Maybe, we are not compatible after all, so, let us end this.”
“You want to end our relationship just because you do not want to live in the village? If you react this way for such a trivial matter, I wonder how you will handle major misunderstandings.”
“This matter isn’t trivial. It is far from being trivial. I was born a princess. There is no way I will adjust to the life of poverty. I don’t even want to adjust. I wonder why you can’t see this from my perspective. Marriage should not be an excuse to suffer, abeg.”
“Let us end this matter. I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.
I stood up and walked out. That was the first and only time that we had a misunderstanding during our courtship. To Joseph, I was making a mountain out of a molehill. To me, that issue was an actual mountain. How was I meant to live in a village that considered girl education as a waste? How was I meant to live without electricity or pipe borne water, amenities that I never lacked as a child? How was I meant to cook with firewood, which I had never tried? What would my in-laws think of me when they discover that I had never used it? Or if I was to bring a gas cooker to my home, I would be scared that one of my in-laws would blow up the house because they did not know how to use it. I could not handle living with my in-laws who would judge my every move. They could never understand me as much as Joseph did, especially since we were miles apart in standard of living. Why couldn’t Joseph see the implication of his decisions on our marital life?
I was so shaken by that conversation that I opened up to my best friend, Nkechi. I never discussed anything that Joseph said to me with anybody unless he permitted me. So, for me to go against my principle, the issue was very serious to me.
“Are you seriously telling me that you are prepared to lose the man that you have waited so long for just because you don’t know how to live in the village? Do you want to marry at all? You have to adjust,” she said.
What was I thinking? No one would understand my point of view. Meanwhile, Joseph discussed the issue with his partners too.
“I cannot believe that she broke up with me just because I said that we will live in my family house,” he said.
“It is not everyone that is a wife-material. Virtue is a great business partner. Maybe, we should employ her to work for us. However, as far as domestic matters are concerned, go for a cultured girl. I told my mum that I will send my bride-to-be to her for at least two months and my bride has to prove her domestic skills,” Princewill said.
“You are wrong. Many women are like Virtue and they get married and build good homes. Besides, not everyone can cope with village lifestyle. Look, I met you through her. We cannot overemphasize her contributions to this company. If we lose her, we will suffer a huge loss and the only way to keep her is if you marry her. If you cannot do this for the love you have for her, then, do this for the sake of the company. If you cannot cope with her demands, then, find a way to explain things to her and convince her,” Matthew, the food scientist said.
Because of the issue, we did not speak to each other for almost a week which was the first time it happened. The silence was a punishment to me. I decided to call him to apologise. I took up my phone to call but he beat me to it. I immediately saw his call.
“Darling, I am so sorry for how our discussion went last time. I missed you. Please, can we meet at Liyons Restaurant at 5 pm today for a date?”
“Sure,” I replied.
Since Joseph was the one apologising, I decided to hold my apology and see if he changed his mind about forcing me to live in the village.
“Explain to me more. Why don’t you want to live in the village?” he asked and I spoke at length about all the issues that could arise from that decision. I was careful to avoid leaving some stones unturned.
“Alright, I have heard you. I do not think there is need to explain again why I had to take this decision. Darling, I love you. Trust me, if there is another way out of this, I will consider it.”
Another way! That word rang in my mind. If I could come up with a better plan, it would be much better than whining. At that moment, I discovered that I did not have much problems with living in the village as I thought. However, it was impossible for me to survive in the family house. It was also impossible for Joseph to agree to live outside the village. So, what if he built a personal house for us? If he also dug a borehole and provided electricity, then I was good to go.
“If there is another way? I am willing to stay in the village with you, just not in your family house and there must be pipe-borne water, electricity and privacy. So, build a house for me in the village. Besides, my people would not let you to marry me if you do not live on your own.”
“Okay,” he replied.