For me a core belief is like wanting to evolve as a priority. Wanting to spend lots of time with a partner and have a deep connection, being interested in working on self, wanting a deep union with a partner, wanting to work through triggers rather than just leave a connection when it’s triggering, wanting monogomy etc etc I don’t mean like hobbies and opinions as they change quickly. Core values tend to be much more deep set.
RE: When The Meaning Of Words Are Hijacked
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When The Meaning Of Words Are Hijacked
Call me a spoilsport, I don't think what you named has something to do with beliefs, rather with wishes and priorities, as you said.
I don't mind that either, for I find it actually more relaxing to get away from fixated forms of beliefs.
What would be the difference between belief and faith for you?
I guess for me a core belief would be what a person wanted in a relationship for example. I.e. do they won a closely bonded relationship where you work together hang out all the time do everything together. Or does one person enjoy loads of time alone away from their partner and just want someone they hang out with in the evenings. Of course these kind of core beliefs and ideals can change but if they’re out of alignment for too long with your partner it’s going to be pretty miserable. Or things like are you willing to work through triggers to stay together or does one partner run away rather than deal with them. Does one partner want to date loads of people at the same time versus be completely monogamous. These types of beliefs are going to wear pretty thin after a while if they’re not in alignment.
However do you like Brussels sprouts or cabbage obviously isn’t going to affect your happiness.
I mean even religion would be a problem. If one person followed a very strict religion that you didn’t follow then at some point I think it would become difficult. Especially if their religion impacted how they wanted you to behave. So maybe a core value is honouring somebody’s freedom over religion choices. I guess the core value is linked to authenticity and if your partners core values are completely out of alignment with yours often times one person has to be in authentic to maintain the relationship. For example they have to be in a relationship hats not deep enough for them or their partners not spending enough time with them to be happy, this will end up miserable for both as one will nag and one will feel pressured as neither are happy.
When people uphold their religion and expect or demand behaviour according to its code, I can ask myself what of it I am prepared to accept and let a discussion about it go.
When I see religious people burying their deceased, for example, organising a Christian service and the funeral feast, I find that a good tradition. They are practical activities that offer cohesion. However, theorising about religion is often a source of conflict. We realise that many Christians are not able to live by their own rules and the pressure it creates to still be more papal than the Pope is counterproductive. The Old Testament question "Who shall cast the first stone?" is really good in this context, I think.
So I would ask you, what (if) are positive experiences in your personal life where you felt comfortable in a practical involvement of a religious nature?
I haven’t really as I tend to partner people who have similar core values and no fixed religion but more a spiritual interest. I have seen for example friends date quite strict Muslim guys and it means they won’t be intimate with them whilst dating, they have to behave in certain ways in public, they have to go off and pray at multiple times during the day, they expect the woman to be a certain way and the family dynamic. The relationship never worked out, since one always had to be inauthentic either not allowed to follow the religion they wanted or being restricted. I don’t believe a relationship should compromise you at all. Sure you might make compromises on where to go for the day etc but it shouldn’t make you have to compromise yourself/ your joy or your spiritual path.
I think there is a difference between, on the one hand, ruling out a relationship from the outset where I classify a person as a strict religious believer and, on the other hand, without having made this conscious decision, simply not seeming to end up in such relationships at all. Personally, I have never had a relationship with men who clearly came from a different cultural background, which in no way means that I actively reject it, just that I do not actively seek it. I know some women who have succumbed or succumbed to the fascination of men from other cultural backgrounds who, after the initial attraction of this otherness wore off, were eventually unable to overcome the cultural hurdles and the relationship therefore broke down.
Since you can never really say with absolute certainty beforehand, such excursions into other cultures are always both an opportunity and a risk.
I mean the same I also haven’t rly attracted it or it’s drifted apart pretty quickly. I do think at points ppl hold onto relationships that are clearly out of alignment tho for company or not being willing to leave as have kids etc
If it’s still highly triggering rather than stagnant and out of alignment it could be a good space to do inner work from
I’ve left any relationship that made me have to compromise my own values / joy / alignment. I hve no problem with leaving If something has done its course and we are no longer evolving together. I believe I am here to evolve not to cling to a relationship that’s stagnated or was only meant as a part of my journey.
So these relationships you speak of, you just left light hearted? No hurt emotions, no grudges whatsoever? To me, it seems more like an ideal Imagination of how relationships could be, but in general are not. If it were so easy to detach from a connection to another human, why would there be a reason to split up in the first place?
So, I have to ask: In what way you detached yourself from humans? Is it that you do not have, for example, a further sexual relationship but still maintain a platonic one? That would be a relaxed way of parting, I think.
Or, in the case of a non sexual relationship, you stay friends with whom you parted? Was the other one also in this mood of just letting you go?
In some i was triggered and the made me do some me serious inner work then when I had I realised I had only wanted them because I was trying To seek what I didn’t get as a child and once i fulfilled it in myself I lost that desire for it. Then in others it just felt like we fell out of alignment and I was having to sacrifice part of my authenticity and self to keep in it then i left or just let it fall away. Friends is way easier I’ve alwaus had way less attachment there and let ppl come and go. If people aren’t aligned on the most part they just drift away then maybe years later we re connect as we ended up back in alignment. Obviously some were more fraught and ended in arguments lol I’ve also been blocked by work colleagues etc because for example I didn’t hate trump or didn’t want a vaccine and I’m just happy to let them go and new people come in. I do stick with people but only if we are all evolving together. The core value there is honouring freedom rather than the opinion itself.
Answering to both of your last comments.
I see no contradiction between being authentic and making a concession. I am then authentic in conceding something that I am perhaps less comfortable with than something else, but where I am willing to learn something that is less easy for me.
Between two people in an intimate relationship, there is a subtle recognition of one's own where one is giving too little of oneself and to which the other often comes rather clumsily with hints that, if one is dishonest with oneself, can be interpreted as a lack of harmony.
I'm assuming that you mean it differently than your wording makes it sound to me, it sounds a bit like people shopping. So they have done their service for me (my learning field with them is exhausted), I go my way.
Alignment seems to speak of primary agreement, whereas I see conflict as potentially leading to personal maturity. But if you mean that being in tune with each other implies a willingness to face conflict as an opportunity, I could go along with that.
That coming together and going apart are something like the tides, the eternal arriving and departing, life and death, a total acceptance of this cosmic order. This would presuppose welcoming death too, on a par with birth, with a light heart. This view seems coherent to me, but I see difficulties for people to live it.
If you are someone who finds all this easy, I congratulate you. :)
How should I understand your question about what process I have?
I actually have only dated strong soul connections and not had sex with many guys at all. Some of them have been highly triggering to the point I felt I would die lol but when the growth is done it rly just falls away not always nicely but eventually you find peace with it. But eventually I always got to the stage I could see I was having to be inauthentic or compromise myself in some way to keep it going and eventually would find a way to detach in whatever way necessary to allow in something new.
What would be your process ?