Although my childhood was purely low-tech and local, my teenage life has been wrapped with the best technology available in the countryside.
Though, I'm not allowed to use my dad's gadgets, I'd always sneak to use it whenever he's not around. Maybe that's the driving force that made me fall in love with computers and robots.
Although half of me dreams to be a hermit farmer, dwellig in the foothills of the rural countryside, the othwr side of me can't just give up tech and emerging technologies. So, even if I got stuck in the abyss of employment instability since January of 2021, I never let go of my laptop and just kept on building anything that comes into my mind.
Though, I'm emotionally castigated by my family and relatives due to my lack of opportunities, I never stopped dreaming for a comfortable life amid the chaotic world.
They say that in your 20s, you are still allowed to fail, but in your 30s and onwards, failing is already a humiliation.
I'm afraid of that.
Well, I'm already embarrassed of my successive failures since the pandemic started. Job loss. Selling bananas. Selling vegetables out on the streets. I felt so small.
But even when I felt so useless, for the first time (again) in my life that I am not chained to alarm clocks. That was the first thing that came into my mind. I was free. I was wealthy in time. I was able to wake up whenever I wanted and work on my hobbies at night. Whenever I wanted to, I could just run to the orchards or to the farm and bask under the warm daylight or be drenched in the relentless rain of the Mount Pangasugan.
My mom always said to me, the Lord is just letting you rest. So, although I sometimes felt an urge to hurry in life, I took it slower. I took a whiff of the grassy breeze. I stared at the starry nights longer than before. I toiled in the muddy edge of the village where even the farmers look at me in disbelief. BUT, I didn't care anymore!
Even after more than twenty failed resumes and interviews, I kept revising and sending new ones, hoping someone will pick me up in the depth of my longing to rise up and stand. One day, I finally got a big YES.
But, it wasn't that easy.
I was building a thicker face and asked around some family friends and my own friends, to loan me cash to pay my dues. I paid my school dues, but still needed more to keep travelling by sea. It took me months to resolve everything, but I risked it all to land another job and build myself back.
It wasn't the job I was hunting for, but it's more than I could wish for. It was everything to me!
One night, I was so emotionally drained.
I went out to the crowd, but I could no longer hear them as I was already spacing out. In the sea of people, I felt so alone, but... I was both happy and sad. I was sad for the struggles I needed to win over and also felt happy at the same time, because I'm still able to remain calm, as I believe that everything will eventually become okay again.
Luckily, in this new phase in my life, I've met good people who were lowkey pulling me up even if I am already being a burden at times, phew! Arigatô.
I've attended many seminars already since the year started and I kept hearing the buzzwords, union and diversity. Maybe it's time to actualize a world that is more inclusive even with different views, a world that does not discriminate over those in the minority.
I deviated far.
Going back, I hope that I could build myself again, so that I could better help other people in own little ways. And that's my new dream ever since failed so much, to become capable of helping those who were stripped down from their opportunities and those who are unable to escape the difficult life they are in.
Until next time, thanks for reaching this far!