改变一个人的永远不是说教而是血淋淋的现实 What Changes a Person Is Never Preaching But the Bloody Reality

When a guest visits, the host naturally wants to entertain a cup of hot tea. During the conversation, the host kept serving tea to the guest as a friendly gesture, so the cup of tea remains hot. After the guest leaves, naturally no one will continue to serve that cup of tea, and it will also cool down. This is the original meaning of the idiom " the tea cools down as soon as the person is gone", which is now used to indicate the fickleness of the world. It refers to when people in power leave their position and has no value for others, they will be ignored by others.

No sooner has the person gone away than the tea cools down,which has been criticized and even insulted by people in the world, and there have been voices of condemnation that "tea has already cooled before people leave". But the cold and desolate world has always existed, like a dogskin plaster stuck to the human body, difficult to remove.

Zhuang Zi (respectful name for Zhuang Zhou) is more free spirited and rational, he only uses fables and stories to teach and inspire the people in the world.

Zhuang Zi tells the truth with the story of two fish that "It's better to forget themselves in the rivers and lakes than to help each other when both are in humble circumstances". He tells the people to learn to forget, to give up, and to focus on changing oneself rather than blaming others for being heartless and unjust.

The rising tide of the sea washed two fish into a puddle on the shore, which gradually dried up. The two fish could only use their saliva to moisten each other. Facing this difficulty, one of the fish said, "It's better for us not to know each other and to swim freely in the seawater."

It can be imagined when the seawater rises again and these two fish return to the sea, the best state at this time would be to forget each other, as if they had never met before. But if one of the fish can't forget the experience of mutual support, and even desperately seeks another fish, it is destined to be a painful life.

A product has both value and utility value, and so is a person. For example, a clean official has his own value, but is fair and impartial, and does not show favoritism, so he has no utility value in the eyes of his relatives and friends. If one has no value in oneself, it is difficult to have any utility value, or if one has utility value during his tenure, he will have no utility value after retirement. The superficiality of human relationships and the fickleness of the world are just like this.

Simple preaching is difficult to change a person, what can change a person is the bloody reality. As a result, we see an insightful person who doesn't want to speak, argue, flatter, please anyone, loses interest in making friends, loses interest in gatherings, becomes increasingly silent, and even doesn't bother to pretend, enjoys solitude and tranquility, free and alone, and such people have a deep understanding of human nature and life.

Such people are those who have been hit by reality, knocked unconscious, scarred, and then able to stand up.

客人来了，主人自然要招待一杯热茶。交谈期间，主人要不断给客人续茶，以示友好待客之道，所以那杯茶水一直是热的。可待客人离去，自然不会有人再去为那杯茶水续茶，那杯茶水也就凉了。这就是成语人走茶凉的本义，现在用来表示世态炎凉，指的是当权的人离开岗位以后，对别人没有了利用价值，人家也就忽视他了。
人走茶凉，也由此被世人指责甚至谩骂，还出现了“人未走茶已凉”的痛斥之声。可世态炎凉就这样一直存在着，似贴在身上的狗皮膏药，难以除掉。

庄子就比较洒脱、理性一些，他只是用一个个寓言故事来说教感化世人。

庄子用两条鱼“相濡以沫不如相忘于江湖”的故事，告诉世人要学会遗忘，学会放弃，重点是改变自己而不是埋怨别人无情无义。

海水涨潮，两条鱼被冲到了岸上的水洼里，水洼渐渐干涸，两条鱼只能用唾液来湿润对方。此情此景，其中一条鱼说：“还不如我们不相识，自由自在地畅游在海水中。”

可以想象，若海水再次涨潮，两条鱼回到大海，此时最好的状态应是彼此相忘，如同未曾相遇一般。可若是其中的一条鱼念念不忘那段相濡以沫的经历，甚至还苦苦寻求另一条鱼，那他注定是痛苦一生。

一件商品同时具有价值和使用价值，同样一个人也具有价值和使用价值。比如清官，自身有价值，但公正严明、不徇私情，所以在他的亲戚朋友眼里就没有利用的价值。自身没有价值，也就很难有利用的价值，或者在位时有利用的价值，退下来以后便没有利用的价值了。人走茶凉、世态炎凉，就是这个样子。

单纯的说教很难改变一个人，能够改变一个人的都是血淋淋的现实。随之，我们看到了一个活的通透的人：不想说话，不想争辩，不想巴结，不想讨好任何人，失去交友的兴趣，失去聚会的兴趣，变得越来越沉默寡言，甚至连逢场作戏都懒得去装。喜欢独处，喜欢安静，喜欢独来独往，这样的人便是悟透了人性，看透了人生。

这样的人都是被现实撞到、击晕，伤痕累累，然后能够站立起来的人。