身边人，身边事 People and Things around Me

My daughter has a classmate named Xiaolin, originally from Fujian province. When she was young, she came to Shandong province with her parents and studied in the class with my daughter. Xiaolin has dark skin and is not tall, but he is quite loyal, easy-going, kind, and considerate. In high school, she had a boyfriend who was her classmate, but in the end, he faced opposition from his family. Xiaolin obediently followed his father's arrangement and married Xiaofan, the son of his father's business friend who had been in business for many years.

Xiaolin gave birth to two daughters after marriage, but according to tradition, Xiaofan always wants to have another son. Xiaolin takes care of her 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old daughter at home without any salary income, while Xiaofan only provides her and her two daughters with a monthly living allowance of 1500 yuan. Xiaolin had no choice but to bring her two daughters to her parents' house and help in the wood processing factory and restaurant they owned. In this way, parents can also help take care of her two children and Xiaolin could have an income of 5000 yuan per month.

But Xiaolin is really working too hard. He often goes to construction sites outside to collect wood. Exposed to the weather, Xiaolin is getting even darker than before. At night, she has to do odd jobs in the restaurant and works until very late. After all, there is still a younger brother inheriting this industry from her parents, and Xiaolin has an older sister who is also here with her parents.

Xiao Fan's parents run a small steel processing factory, and in recent years, business has declined significantly, barely making ends meet. But their treatment of Xiaolin is truly puzzling. The children are growing up and need nutrition, that money may not even be enough for Xiaolin's own living expenses. Doesn't the Xiaofan family realize this?

The reason why Xiaolin's father opposed Xiaolin’s dating with that boyfriend was that the boy's family background was average, while the Xiaofan family was in business, so they were not equal in social status.

A few days ago, I heard from my daughter that Xiaolin is pregnant again. Xiaolin originally didn't want to have children anymore. But I really can't imagine, if she had another girl this time, would the Fan family still let Xiaolin have another child?
The reasons for today's situation: First, the Fan family lacks a sense of responsibility. Neither Xiaofan nor his parents have it. Why should one push their daughter-in-law and granddaughters to parents of one’s daughter-in-law? Secondly, Xiaolin resigns herself to adversity and is willing to sacrifice her own love in order to not make his father angry and to listen to his father's words. A happy life is in one’s own hands, and one should strive for it, rather than being a so-called obedient child. Thirdly, traditional feudal ideology plays a role by placing money in the highest position, regarding that boys can carry on the family line and bring glory to their ancestors in the future.

I can only shake my head and sigh. Everyone should open their eyes wide, hold happiness in their own hands, and at the same time, dare to fight against unfairness, especially for a girl.

女儿有个同学小林，原籍福建，幼时随着父母来到山东，便与女儿成了同学。小林皮肤黑黑的，个头不高，但人挺讲义气、随和、善良，也善解人意。高中时谈了一个男朋友，是她的同学，可最后遭到了家人的反对。小林只好听从父亲的安排，嫁给了其父亲生意上多年的朋友的儿子小范。

小林婚后生了两个女儿，可按照传统，小范还总想再生个儿子。小林在家照顾着5岁的大女儿和2岁的二女儿，没有工资收入，而小范只给她和两个女儿每月1500元的生活费。小林没有办法，只好带着两个女儿来到父母家，在家里开的木材加工厂子里和饭店里帮忙。这样，父母还能帮着照看一下孩子，而自己也能有一份收入，每月5000元。

可小林实在是太辛苦了，经常去外面的建筑工地去收木材，风吹日晒，晒得小林比以前更黑了。晚上，还要在饭店里打杂，工作到很晚。毕竟，父母的这份产业还有一个弟弟在继承，小林还有一个姐姐，也在父母这里。

小范的父母开着一家小的钢材加工厂，这几年生意也大不如从前，勉强维持着生计。可他们对待小林的做法着实令人不解。孩子正是长身体的时候，那点钱恐怕连小林自己的生活费都不够，难道小范家意识不到这一点吗？

小林的父亲之所以反对小林谈的那个男朋友，就是那男孩家家境一般，而小范家是做生意的，这样才门当户对。

前几天，听女儿说，小林又怀孕了，小林本来不想再要孩子的。可我真的不敢想象，若这一次再生个女孩子，那范家是不是还让小林生呢？

造成今天这种局面，一是范家没有责任感，小范没有，他的父母更没有。自己的儿媳（媳妇）、孙女（女儿），为何推给亲家（岳父母）呢？二是小林逆来顺受，为了不让父亲生气，为了听父亲的话，不惜牺牲自己的爱情。幸福生活掌握在自己手中，应该自己去争取，而不是做一个所谓的听话的孩子。三是传统封建思想作怪，把钱放在最高位置；认为男孩子能够传宗接代，将来可以光宗耀祖。

我也只能摇头叹息，每个人都要睁大眼睛，把幸福攥在自己手里，同时，要敢于与不公平作斗争，尤其是对一个女孩子来说。

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