Some Brief Advice for Would-be Writers

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If you want to be a writer, my first rule of thumb is to read, read, read, what I would term “immersion therapy.” After all, how can you know if something is good if you don’t first try it. I never went to school but I spent both my childhood and subsequent years reading practically everything I could get my hands on (with the exception of Westerns and Romance Novels). What little I know didn’t come from teachers, but from reading books. Virtually everything you could ever want to know is written down somewhere in a book. Exposure to the world’s great authors will also help you to develop a style.
Someone once wrote "those who can do, do; those who can't teach." So as probably one of the worst writers around, let me give you the benefit of my experience, as well as some advice from people who can write. In college English, the professor told us to "...write what you know about." I'm thinking, as opposed to what??? It's a moot point, what else would you write about? As an aside: this same professor wrote a novel that reeked of academia, it was obvious from the start that he had never experienced anything that was in the book making it completely unbelievable. Perhaps he should have taken his own advice. Putting that nonsense aside, let's move on.
If you want to write academically, it's really simple (not easy, but simple) You just have to follow some simple rules -- make a point, back it up with three recognized sources in whatever particular field you happen to be writing about. I found this style of writing extremely attractive, it appealed to my sense of order and organization. However, I'm assuming that nobody here wants to write academically so...
If you want to write journalistically, you first have to learn to adopt a complete disregard for the truth. Then be patient, somebody will tell you what to say. When I first went to college I wanted to major in journalism so I could write editorials, but the department chair – a former editor at the New York Times – told me that nobody hires editorialists, “if you’re very lucky you might get there in about twenty or thirty years.” He then said: “What they’re looking for are typists, learn to type 35 words a minute and you might have a shot at getting a job.” Because of my love for the truth along with the fact that I was pushing 50, journalism was clearly not an option for me.
I'm assuming that people here want to write fiction; the next great American novel. I've made the transition (probably not very well) from academic writing to a clumsy attempt at fiction. To write, you must first live. In the words of Benjamin Franklin: "Either write something worth reading, or live something worth writing." Sound advice, indeed.
Then there are those pesky rules of grammar: Personally, I find rules of grammar tedious, not to mention they tend to detract from one's writing style. Remember, Shakespeare added over 15,000 words to the English lexicon – don't be afraid to experiment. If at first you don't succeed; change shit around! If you’ve never heard of Richard Brautigan I suggest you look him up. He became a huge success in the late 1960s, by completely ignoring any semblance to grammatical rules. His Trout Fishing in America (which has nothing to do with fishing… or grammar for that matter) was a huge success.
Other great writers seem to share my disdain for grammatical purity – which is not to say a complete shunning of syntax – always remember to, get there, their and they're right, as not to look foolish or ignorant. Remember the words of Twain: "Great books are weighed and measured by their style and matter, and not the trimmings and shadings of their grammar." In a similar vein, Truman Capote tells us: "Writing has laws of perspective, of light and shade just as painting does, or music. If you are born knowing them, fine. If not, learn them. Then rearrange them to suit yourself."
Being a good writer is being a good storyteller. If you read Stephen King critically, you'll find that he's really not a very good writer... but, he is an absolutely incredible storyteller. I noticed that when writing dialogue it’s always “he said,” or “she said,” he never adds adjectives or adverbs. However, he’s such a great storyteller that you don’t notice.
When I write, I imagine myself with a group of friends and I begin to tell them a story. I have an idea of how to begin and a general idea of what it's about -- the rest is flow of consciousness. I'm usually as surprised as the reader as to how the story turns out. One advantage I have is to have lived a long time, that gives me a wealth of material. How well I'm able to transcribe it is usually up to coffee and other influences.
One reason I write is to excise my demons. When I create a story, I live each and every character. I see what they see, feel what they feel and experience what they experience -- you get the idea. If I can’t convince myself that the characters are real, how can I possibly expect to convince you that they’re real? Norman Mailer once said that, "writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing," It’s also useful to learn to love rejection, people who become wildly successful on their first try only happens in novels by Herman Wouk and in the movies. Two books and over a thousand articles into my career and I’m still broke, that should tell you something.
In closing, let me offer three more pieces of advice from people far more talented and smarter than I am: "Writing is hard work and bad for the health." ~E.B. White. "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards." ~Robert Heinlein. Finally, when you sit down to pen the next great American novel, remember the words of W. Somerset Maugham: "There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."
Good luck!!!