Play while reading, once you reach another video, stop this one and play the next one.Él en mi abrió una puerta en mi interior que desconocía, algo oscuro que parecía no hacer daño alguno, como una sombra que me cuidaba y protegía de todas esas malas jugadas de sus pensamientos llevados a cabo. No era tanto la infidelidad lo que me atormentaba, era su forma descarada de hacerme sentir sola y estúpida cuando de su boca negaba cualquier parecido a la realidad, eran mujeres, no solo una de ellas.
Me preguntaba a veces si yo era la amante entre sus tantas cartas debajo de la manga.
Esa mañana como todas las tantas se despidió con un beso repugnante en mi boca, en la que solo deseaba entre pensamientos morder sus labios y lengua juguetona para luego quebrar sus testículos con mi rodilla, pero era solo una fantasía con la cual no tenia valor alguno de hacerlo. Sin embargo aquellas fantasías de él de verme vestida con trapos de cuero para ser una joya placentera a su vista era algo repugnante que hacia por estimulo; estaba tontamente enamorada de él tanto que mi amor propio se había ido al retrete con los tantos vómitos luego de tener relaciones sexuales. era imposible para mi no pensar que tal vez su silencio y solo gemidos era una evidencia clara que no quería tal vez pronunciar el nombre de una de ellas por error, antes que acertar en desearme a mi completamente como mujer y esposa.
Cuando vi que se dio la vuelta dándome la espalda sentí esas ganas de abrazarlo por la espalda y pedirle que siempre estuviéramos juntos, una forma indirecta para que supiera que lo amaba y que estaba sufriendo, no me sentía una mujer plena para él, pero no podía a la vez esconder el sol con un dedo por el amor incondicional que le tenia; muchas cosas estaban pasando por mi cabeza era como si algo malo iba a suceder, empece a odiarme por tales pensamientos y a la vez me sentía arrepentida, completamente destruida.
Una tormenta se formó en mi interior, el odio y el amor chocaron entre si como ráfagas de vientos cálidos y fríos produciendo una tormenta perfecta para por fin hacer algo; debía de alguna forma dejar de ser la mujer que lava en casa las camisas con lápiz labial de su esposo.
Una tormenta perfecta para hacer aquello que más odiaba de mi vida.
He in me opened a door inside me that I did not know, something dark that seemed to do no harm, like a shadow that cared for me and protected me from all those bad plays of his thoughts carried out. It was not so much the infidelity that tormented me, it was his brazen way of making me feel lonely and stupid when from his mouth he denied any resemblance to reality, they were women, not just one of them.
I wondered sometimes if I was the lover among her many letters up her sleeve.
That morning, like every other morning, he said goodbye with a disgusting kiss on my mouth, in which I only wished between thoughts to bite his lips and playful tongue and then break his testicles with my knee, but it was only a fantasy with which I had no value to do it. However, those fantasies of him seeing me dressed in leather rags to be a pleasant jewel in his eyes were something disgusting that he did for stimulation; I was foolishly in love with him so much that my self-esteem had gone to the toilet with the many vomits after having sex. It was impossible for me not to think that perhaps his silence and only moaning was clear evidence that he did not want perhaps to pronounce the name of one of them by mistake, rather than to wish me completely as a woman and wife.
When I saw that he turned his back on me, I felt that I wanted to hug him from behind and ask him that we would always be together, an indirect way for him to know that I loved him and that I was suffering, I did not feel like a full woman for him, but at the same time I could not hide the sun with one finger because of the unconditional love that I had for him; many things were going through my head it was as if something bad was going to happen, I began to hate myself for such thoughts and at the same time I felt remorseful, completely destroyed.
A storm formed inside me, hatred and love clashed together like gusts of hot and cold winds producing a perfect storm to finally do something; I had to somehow stop being the woman who washes her husband's lipstick shirts at home.
A perfect storm to do what I hated most in my life.
Fui al sótano por una botella de vino, entre lagrimas correr manchando mi rostro por el rímel,no me percate lo afilado del saca corcho que tenia en mi mano, por lo que una herida punzante hizo manchar las escaleras de madera, fueron tres gotas aludiendo lo que ya en mi mente se estaba maquinando. Una lamida que me hizo erizar la piel, un contraste entre la sangre en mis labios y el vino tinto me hizo pensar que debía tomar hasta más no poder, pero no, mi cuerpo se había apoderado totalmente de mi, haciendo dibujar una sonrisa de picardía en mi rostro. Deje la botella a un lado y fui hasta mi armario para vestirme de esa vil figura que estaba en mi pensar. Ese traje de cuero que tanto quería botar, ahora lo estoy usando, y le daría un uso más que solo mi cuerpo.
Serle infiel, eso quería, por eso tome las llaves de mi auto, no me importo las miradas de los vecinos, pues habia olvidado mi abrigo y podían ver en mi alguien que nunca pensaron ver, una intimidad hecha publica, la esposa de vestido blanco y rosa se había convertido en una mujer atrevida de curvas pronunciadas y de vestimenta negra.
Un sitio de bajo mundo, donde los placeres no parecen tener limites, hasta allí fue mi destino final. Al bajarme con un tanto de duda, cerré el auto y cruce la calle hasta la entrada, pero un pensamiento de arrepentimiento se me cruzo por la mente, algo como "¿Qué estas haciendo?", me iba a devolver, di media vuelta en vista hacia el auto hasta que escuche una voz que me tomo por el brazo confundiéndome con una bailarina de club nocturno.
Parecía que se iba a dar un espectáculo justo en ese momento, donde la estrella iba a ser yo.
I went to the basement for a bottle of wine, between tears running staining my face for the mascara, I did not notice the sharpness of the cork in my hand, so a puncture wound stained the wooden stairs, were three drops alluding to what was already in my mind was machining. A lick that made my skin bristle, a contrast between the blood on my lips and the red wine made me think that I should drink even more, but no, my body had taken over completely, making me draw a mischievous smile on my face. I put the bottle aside and went to my closet to dress up in that vile figure that was in my mind. That leather suit that I wanted to throw away so badly, I am now wearing it, and I would give it more use than just my body.
I wanted to be unfaithful, that's why I took the keys to my car, I didn't care about the looks of the neighbors, because I had forgotten my coat and they could see in me someone they never thought they would see, an intimacy made public, the wife in the white and pink dress had become a daring woman with sharp curves and black clothes.
An underworld place, where pleasures seem to have no limits, until there was my final destination. When I got out with a bit of doubt, I closed the car and crossed the street to the entrance, but a thought of regret crossed my mind, something like "What are you doing?", I was going to turn around and look at the car until I heard a voice that took me to the arm confusing me with a night club dancer.
It seemed like a show was about to happen right then and there, where the star was going to be me.
La música había empezado y yo estaba totalmente confundida, era una batalla entre mi cuerpo, los nervios, la confusión, el deseo de hacer algo que nunca pensé hacer. No tuve palabra alguna para negarme ante aquel extraño hombre que parecía ser un sádico más del club. Aun así mi cuerpo dio pasos por si solo hasta la parte trasera del escenario.
Al salir, las luces estaban fijas en un tubo de pool dance, más nada se podía divisar entre la oscuridad, solo el deseo de acercarme hasta eso y empezar el show al cual no estaba invitada.
Solo deje que mi cuerpo se moviera, entre la oscuridad empezó a escucharse los aplausos y palabras grotescas, silbidos y también pude divisar algo de dinero volar hasta donde estaba yo. Billetes de $100 se cruzaban con los tacones, temía caer, temía perder la atención, ya el éxtasis estaba dentro de mi, tanto que sin darme cuenta estaba ya sobre el tubo mi cuerpo inerte, piernas extendidas que dejaban a simple vista mi silueta.
Me sentía una única reina entre tantos reyes, todo lo contrario a mi vida hace unos pocos minutos atrás. Me encantaba, quería hacer de esto un momento duradero.
Al cabo de un rato me invitaron muchos tragos a los cuales rechace con un beso pintado en las copas y una nota diciendo que volvería al día siguiente.
The music had started and I was totally confused, it was a battle between my body, nerves, confusion, the desire to do something I never thought I would do. I had no word to say no to that strange man who seemed to be just another sadist from the club. Yet my body took steps on its own to the back of the stage.
When I came out, the lights were fixed on a pool dance tube, but nothing could be seen in the darkness, just the desire to get close to it and start the show to which I was not invited.
I just let my body move, in the darkness I could hear the applause and grotesque words, whistles and I could also see some money flying to me. I was afraid of falling, I was afraid of losing my attention, the ecstasy was already inside me, so much so that without realizing it, my inert body was already on the tube, legs extended that left my silhouette visible to the naked eye.
I felt like a single queen among so many kings, just the opposite of my life a few minutes ago. I loved it, I wanted to make this a lasting moment.
After a while I was invited to many drinks which I refused with a kiss painted on the glasses and a note saying that I would return the next day.
Alone, torn and finaly Queen
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