Pearls of Wisdom .....
My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do Not Resuscitate."
It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.
If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday. .
My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert!
Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.
I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
I met my wife at a single's night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.
Received this via e-mail from a friend.
Ha ha … these are really good.