FROM THE YEARS OF PRACTICE IN A WOMEN'S CENTER

I worked as a social consultant in a women's center for about ten years, or so.

I came to do this kind of work, like a virgin to her child. I was not fully aware where I had gotten myself into, but you'll see.

By the way, working in a center, which says of its own "women only" is first and foremost a strange thing in and of itself. If it doesn't happen organically, without its first attempt to become such a place on purpose, it invites all kinds of strange characters. In particular, when its public sign states that it "is for low income women, for women with low education, foreign women and for mothers". Would such a place grow organically, namely, as an open space for women, without saying it is for women, it would nevertheless become a women's space only, if who appears to gather there, were women.

Since men are not very interested to surround themselves with mothers and their babies, with talks about pregnancy and womanhood, with what the children and husbands are doing, et cetera, et cetera.

But anyways.

In the course of my working hours there I had some weird encounters.

I highly appreciate them, since they taught me a great deal about life. Which means, I learned the most about myself.

One day, after I had just finished a session with a client,

I went downstairs to see who was next. I couldn't find her in the cafeteria, so I poked my head into the door of the neighboring room, and asked "I am ready for my next client, who had put his name into the waiting list?"

A woman jumped at my words like a snake at its mouse. She aggressively told me: "Clients!? You dare to speak of 'clients'? Don't you know about the Romans, who named their slaves in the exact same way?!!? You are an insult to all of us!!"

I was utterly perplexed by such absurd approach from a total stranger, to whom I never have talked before. I cannot remember how exactly I reacted, but more or less I ignored her and went on with my procedure. Later I talked to a colleague about that little incident. "Ah, never mind, it's her. She is already well known here as a trouble maker. If she gets too aggressive, we'll escort her out of the building.", was, what she told me.

"Alright", I answered. "Good to know." Indeed, what happened, after said woman showed up on a regular basis and couldn't stop throwing herself all over the place, that's what was done. She was escorted outside and was forbidden to ever show up. She was told that "If you will enter this place ever again, we are going to call the police."

Then there was a woman who barely spoke German

and it was quite tedious to find out what was the matter with her.

She showed me a messy pile of letters, some from the authorities and some she had written herself, and after much toing and froing I finally realised that I couldn't help her in the way she wanted.

She then became very foxy and waved the letters around and told me that ‘You must write a letter immediately!!!’ Until then I have felt sympathy and genuinely sorry that I couldn't do anything for her. I had told her as much. But when she became aggressive, I found myself unsettled for a moment and a quiet anxiety crept up. But then I remembered the training I had received during my apprenticeship. I breathed in and out calmly, stood up and said loudly: ‘Don't be cheeky! You get up right now and leave this room, but pronto!’

In one fell swoop, her offensive demeanour disappeared in an instant and she collapsed like a limp balloon. Her voice began to get whiny and she sat in the chair like a lost toddler. I was amazed at this rapid change. And again I began to feel sorry for her. But as there was really nothing I could do for her, I remained consistent and told her she had to go. She left without resistance.

Probably the strangest encounter of the third kind I had one day

was with a woman who suffered from paranoia. And I'm not speaking metaphorically. I had never met a person with paranoia before.

Now it's not like the women came in and told me, ‘Good afternoon, I'm suffering from paranoia’. You find that out at some point, until then you have a very strange conversation, dominated by odd sensations, which only gradually makes you realise whether you're dealing with a normal or a lunatic.

In fact, there is no commission from a mad person to me, this woman didn't want to commission me with anything concretely feasible, it was entirely unclear what she wanted, so I can't tell you.

Little by little I got it and when I finally understood it completely, I asked her to leave because ‘I'm sorry, I can't do anything for you.’

The telling thing about the situation was that after I had accompanied her down the stairs and went to look for my next client in the café area, the woman wouldn't move from my side. Instead of leaving, she stood next to me, keeping herself very close.

She asked me in this conspiratorial tone:
‘You know the people who are harassing me, do you? I replied, although I already knew the futility of the answer: ‘Well, I don't know you, so I don't know anyone who knows you and you haven't given me any names, nor where they come from, so I don't know anything about these people.’

It was as if she hadn't heard me and she continued to ask questions, all of which were based on the assumption that I knew exactly who she was talking about and that I knew all of her pursuers. She said ‘Sylt’ and, as if she had already said too much, she looked intently into my eyes to recognise something in them. Sylt, by the way, is an island in the North Sea here in Germany.

I don't remember exactly how I got rid of her, but she left eventually. I was awkwardly affected by it all day and it actually happened that as I was walking home, I looked round several times and was prepared for this strange woman to appear behind me or next to me at any second. An amazing phenomenon of temporary transference, isn't it? I laughed and was a little scared at the same time. Of course, this episode remained vivid in my memory.

Another woman gave me her tax papers and demanded:

‘Tell me if it's income that I don't need to take into account for tax purposes.’ I took a quick look and told her that I didn't think so, as it seemed to me to be taxable income and that regardless of what I said, she would have to provide all the information.

To which she replied angrily: ‘I know for a fact that's not true! It's in this and that law! You can't tell me anything!’ And I: ‘If you know all this so well and if you can interpret the law so precisely, then you obviously know more than I do.’

She: ‘So you don't know anything? What are you actually paid for?’

My answer: ‘Obviously you have enough money, but you don't want to declare it and you'd like me to tell you that you don't need to declare it. But you are welcome to do or not do as you please. And I take the liberty of telling you that, firstly, you are not entitled to free advice from me, secondly, you can and are free to find a tax advisor of your choice and, thirdly, our meeting is over.’
I had a blast doing that.

Some of the women continued to show up,

receiving the very same answers and were content with that. All they wanted, was to get in touch, for good or for bad. Others never came back. The one woman who tried to scare me with "I will kill myself", I also never saw again in the center, although I had a glimpse of her in the streets some time later on. I had some more of encounters of such nature.

What it taught me, was to enhance my common sense.

To distinguish between all the women,

who really needed and wanted help, who just wanted to stand around and was an idiot, who was rational and who was irrational and how it feels to meet truly insane people and no longer be afraid of them. It's something you only realise when you've spent a few years in your profession.

An important thing for me personally was not to underestimate or overestimate myself and to maintain a sense of when caution is justified and when courage is called for. As you can never say with absolute certainty, a certain amount of unpredictability is always part of the job. That's what makes it interesting. If I knew everything in advance, life would hardly be able to surprise me.

So I can say that is me, myself and I who got the most out what learning experience I had to make and that the greatest helper for that kind of situations was to help myself.

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Picture source: random city picture made by me.