So everywhere on social media is the sad story of the death of minister Osinachi Nwachukwu as a result of her staying put in an abusive marraige.
As I grow older, I have learnt to practice self love religiously. 11 months ago, I ended my relationship with a barrister and a self acclaimed pastor- church founder, after we have done introduction, letter has been sent to church marraige committee, marraige planning committee has been set and wedding planning has begun.
When we started dating, he acted sensibly, understanding and all, but for a short while and then he started projecting his insecurities on me. Saying I'm the first light skinned lady he is dating and how he is more attracted to dark skin ladies. I ended the relationship then, he called, begged and said that's not what he meant. Then the next one was, I was not a committed Christian or worker in church, that how will I function well as a pastor's wife (oh mbom nmi! I wish I ended it once and for all then at the intial stage, but when I argued about it, he would say he didn't mean it that way and was ready to train me to be one🤣. I felt well, no one is perfect after all. and all relationship has its unique problems.
One day, on our way to his church marraige committee, in the bus, I was telling him how the wedding ought to be done in my church, since i'm to join his denomination after the wedding. Uncle said, if i insist, he would call off the wedding. I responded, "so be it". We kept quiet all through the rest of the journey.
When we got to Abak circuit, uncle came down from the bus and continued ranting, right there at that junction, I kept quiet while he kept raising his voice. shebi, they said we should be submissive and respectful 🤣😁. Yet uncle kept ranting, when I realised he wasn't gonna stop anytime soon, I started exchanging words with him, only then did he stop talking and walked away. I handed over his house key. He asked for what? I told him, after what just transpired, I take it that the relationship is over. He said no oh, that the issue has been resolved we should proceed to meet his church marraige committee as they are already waiting for us.
Fast forward to the wedding planning, he would object to every of my suggestion. It's either his way or the highway. He didn't include me in the planning. He plans with his family and friends, and then brings their conclusion to me as what we are to do.
He said i would wear his friend's wife's wedding gown. Someone i have never met and he was against me renting a wedding gown. Clown🤣🤣. I didn't like the wedding gown, so i said i wasn't gonna wear it. He said, his friend's wife would be the one to accompany me to the market to buy my thing for the wedding 🤣🤣. He told me i didn't have right to do this or do that.
Well, i couldn't take it anymore, so i gave him my piece of mind about everything.
Uncle told me that, "life will teach me, that wisdom is more important than intelligence ". Invariably, when i don stay my papa house tey, i will learn that being submissive to get married is better than staying woke yet single.
Same person, called my mom and uncle immediately to report me, painted me all bad and said he doesn't want a woman who will respond to him in public. He said i was not a Christian, therefore not fit to lead women in his church as i won't have a good advise to offer them. My aunt called to beg me to continue with the marraige plans, that all these misunderstandings is the plan of the devil🤣🤣🤣
He claims to be righteous than me, yet in one his supposed emotional state, he confessed to have slept with one of his church member twice. A young girl who wasn't even up to 20 years. Yet he is more holier than I. Righteous Pastor oh🤪
I'm glad, I ended the relationship, even when wedding plans had begun. Though the thought of what will people say plauged me for a while, but thank God, I had support from my brothers, pastors and friends.
Like I always say, even at the altar, if I realise I was about getting married to an enemy, I will call it quit right there.
After that incident, many other guys have asked to date me, but I have refused. I am about 30 years in few months, yet I'm not gonna rush. I'm more intentional now.
That wasn't my first emotional abuse relationship but that is definitely the last.
Now, I'm more self aware, so when I smell emotional abuse even a thousand mile away, I'm calling it quit. No more making excuse for an abusive partner. Self love, peace and my happiness is more important than what anyone has to say about me.
Yes, one will need lots of willpower and mental strength to walk away from an abusive partner. Money is secondary here (else, Minister Osinachi would have walked away).
Never enable your abuser. You are better off alone, than cohabiting with an enemy. An enemy who hates you. Cos no one who genuinely loves you will abuse you or seek to want to control your life, cause you pain and turn you to a puppet.
Marraige and relationship doesn't have to be filled with drama. Let's normalize peaceful and drama free marraige and relationship.
