In the presence of a possible rival, my love for him grew exponentially. It was obvious that I needed him, more than he needed me, or any woman. He was never seen with a woman in public, despite his charm. He portrayed himself as a lonesome warrior, married to the German people and their fate.
His dedication paid off. The Great Depression of 1928 had thrown the German economy into chaos. Many lost their jobs and there was widespread hardship. Adolf seized this opportunity and campaigned vigorously for his Nazi Party promising to rebuild the economy and create jobs. He advocated a 'New Germany' devoid of Jews, Romani gypsies, homosexuals and the supremacy of the Aryan race. We believed him, screaming our loyalty till our voices went hoarse and tears flowed. He was our light.
1931 was my lucky year. My waiting finally paid off. Geli was found dead in her room at Adolf's Munich apartment, his Walther pistol lying on the floor beside her body. For days, I battled with the guilt of being elated by the news of her demise. I wanted Adolf, but not at the cost of another life.
Yet, it was Adolf's response to Geli's death that shocked everyone. He paced the apartment from dusk till dawn, talking to himself and refusing any meal. After a week of eating almost nothing, his eyes bore a vacant look and were sunken in their sockets. He cancelled all his speaking appointments and stayed holed up in the apartment, his gaunt frame resting on the wall when he grew tired of pacing.
Geli's mother blamed her daughter's death on Adolf's obsessive nature.
"You jealous bastard!" she raged. "You had her followed. You broke off every possible male contact. You practically made her a prisoner!"
I could tell Adolf was hurt by her words. He sobbed like a child.
"I loved her." Tears streamed down his face, converging on his moustache. "I loved her with all my heart."
From a corner of the room, I watched one of the most powerful man in Germany cowed, bent, broken.
That evening, the party leaders called on him. He refused to see them. My boss, Hoffman, called me outside and voiced his concern.
"We are losing Herr Wolff. Try to bring him back."
That night, I slept in his apartment and listened to him talk to himself all night.
He was startled when my hand touched his shoulder. "The German people need you. You will win next year's Presidential elections."
He turned to look at me and for one brief moment, I saw a faint glimmer in his eyes.
Drawing his head to my bosom, I whispered into his ears. "Do this for Geli. Do this for the New Germany."
He nodded, wiped his tears and went into the next room which served as his office.
The next morning, he assembled the leaders of the Nazi Party in his apartment and they strategized for the next year's elections. There was a renewed vigour in his speeches. And a new venom.
He lost in the 1932 Presidential elections to Hidenburg despite vigorous campaign. Yet, because he had the backing of key industrialists, President Hidenburg was pressurized into forming a coalition naming him Chancellor.
I saw less and less of him and grew more despondent. He was the sun in the orbit in which I revolved and in his absence, I felt parts of myself disappearing in the surrounding darkness. I lost interest in everything, including food. I thought of Adolf every moment of the day and yearned for his voice, not over loudspeakers, but in my ears, his lips brushing against my earlobes.
My longing for him reached a peak in the summer. One afternoon, I came to the harrowing realization that Adolf has escaped from my grasp, gone forever. Taking my father's pistol, I pointed the muzzle to my chest and fired.
I woke up days later in the hospital. My parents were by my side.
"What were you thinking?" my father asked, his brow furrowed in concern. I was silent, wondering if the news reached Adolf.
He was there the following day. His eyes shone and were filled with longing. His men escorted my parents to the adjacent room.
I tried to force a smile. "My love, I live only for you."
He nodded. "Your love and loyalty were never in doubt. Yet, you were ready to lose your life." He held my hand. "I need you alive, not dead."