We gather under the tree
huddled amongst the branches, awaiting our captive's approach,
outside the sound of footsteps and we hold our breath,
nothing to hear, but our hearts thumping in our chests.
Minutes pass,
dragged out!
until the temptation to part the long limbs of our shelter become too much!
The light of the moon greets us
and the silence of our safety envelops us as we step forth!
It may seem that the clarity of my words
behold a tale that once was,
that they echo a time where our freedom was once at stake,
But this is no dream,
I am not here, reminiscing of a time long gone!
this is the world, our reality that we now grace!
I wish to break away from these constraints,
to lose myself in the freedom of movement
to embrace all that come my way and witness the smiles upon their faces!
Instead my steps are silent, as I try to navigate this new world
unsure yet, of where they may take me!
Standing shoulder to shoulder, huddled amongst the branches,
take me back to the innocence of my childhood
to the fear and excitement of being caught
where my presence, is held in each moment!
But reality always seeps in!
and the heaviness of what we bear, weights me down!
I feel it,
as it eats away at my reserve,
I let the tiredness wash over me, as I fight to keep my thoughts at bay,
a raging storm arises within me
until the silence, of my suffering drags it away!
I try not to let doubt creep in, but how can I deny a part of myself that needs to be seen! The warrior in me, always trying to push on through. Yet now, now I lie vulnerable, I feel so exposed. I hold back tears that have no place to be held within!
Stealing moments to honour my sadness. To acknowledge what it has taken, to get me here, in this moment of rebirth, I feel like I could lose myself!
Yet I must surrender to the pain and the suffering, to the loss that I have carried with me. I must lay it down and bare witness and allow my tears to release me! I struggle to be seen as vulnerable, I struggle to lower my walls, as my beautiful darkness comes into the light. The dark that carried me forward, that comforted me, that created the most beautiful parts of who I am! It is my pain and suffering that helped me see the world for what it is, to appreciate the beauty that so often goes unseen.
As I sit here writing this, I know that the last 5 weeks have forced me to let my guard down, to let go of the guilt of not feeling good enough or strong enough. They have forced me to reach out and ask for help and to let everyone know that I am not okay. It has never been easy for me to ask for help, but there is great strength to be found when you do!
I really feel like I have shed much more than the weight that I have lost and although I do still feel physically weak, I know that this has all been a cleansing and it is preparing me for what awaits. For now I will build my strength back up embracing all parts of who I am!
