Proud of being a misfit?

If I tell you, that I belong to a group or category, I may arouse your objection or, if you feel that you are already in my group, your confirmation.

Neither nor will do it.

If it's group creation I am up to, that is what I will accomplish. Me and you "together in this". HaHa!
But without some others, "we" cannot be together, for we depend on those outcasts and they depend on us.

If I say "those idiots are pro X" and another single one tells that "those idiots are pro Y" we both actually do talk to ourselves. It's seclusion babble.

Have you tried writing (thinking) something that neither contradicts nor confirms?

That neither entertains nor bores? What could it be that you tell about without it being one or the other? Something that does not result in a soliloquy? By that I mean something that does not trigger thoughts. Have you read something, then put it aside and done something, just like that, without the "I want that too!" or "I don't want that!"

Is it even possible to recognise spontaneity as such when the spontaneous moment happens?

The moment when I think of myself "Oh, that's spontaneous now!" is no longer one. Then I have already grabbed myself and destroyed that moment, haven't I? Like when I dance obliviously and then suddenly realise that I am just oblivious and whoosh (!) it's over!

Isn't it the case with recognition that as soon as it recognises itself, it's already over again? Basically, there is nothing to say about it, nothing to really compare, nothing to put into words what is known.

By saying that I don't really find the statement "We are ruled by underestimated powers!" relevant,

I am creating a claim that potentially generates contradiction or affirmation. I then distance myself from it because I emphasise the irrelevance of this statement which itself seems irrelevant. I think the writings that delicately talk about being categories and group-movers and producers of those I claim to want to include in my group are the very ones I need to keep them out. Because without them "out there" we would be nothing "in here". Without definition.

I suspect that the reality bites or anecdotes I tell are hardly understood as moments that were devoid of attitude, that by their spontaneous nature did not contain preceding thoughts. In these sparse presences I experienced "non-me", "non-anxiety", "non-heroine", nothing of what was and can be said, only unsaid. But the moment I say "not understood" it contains an insult, does it?

Can I be a "misfit" without spreading some pride about this misfitting me?

What led me there? Was it not just the single comment of a friend of mine who, one afternoon, when we sat in the gras, under the sun, out of nowhere turned towards me: "Have you no bra on?" Her tone, her eyes judging me as some misfitting disgusting woman who certainly could not afford any longer to go braless.

And me, thinking that I hated her from deep down, while all what I would have liked to have done right, was to laugh wholeheartedly at her comment.

"Wow, what a one man show you are!"

Like I did the other day at my brothers never ending self praise when I finally laughed out loud and answered: "Yes, brother, you always are one up on us others. You always know better, handle better and judge better! You are really superior to everyone else!" And I was not mad at him, just so cheered up.

My sister told me the exact same thing but snapped on me. Again, I could have laughed but failed doing so and took it seriously. I am hoping for a better opportunity.

Thing is, you cannot laugh about yourself on purpose.

Damn! It has to be an act of spontaneity, otherwise you spoil it.

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