Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we hurt others. Sometimes we lose a job, a friend, a spouse, a loved one. It's part of life and how we handle these things matters.
In this post, I'll walk you through an exercise that helps you move on from the past and become a better person for it.
STEP 1: Identify The Emotions You're Feeling
There are times where we try to brush off our mistakes by telling ourselves they aren't really big problems, they just weren't serious enough. This is one of those times where this isn't true.
Ask yourself what emotions you're feeling as you think about the mistakes you made and who you hurt. Were you ashamed of something you said? Were you upset with the way a relationship ended? What happened was still a mistake, and it wasn't something you need to excuse yourself from by saying "it wasn't a big deal".
Sometimes we'll use our emotions as an excuse to avoid moving on. We don't want to face them, so we distract ourselves. If that's the case for you, just accept it. You're a human being. All of us will experience emotional reactions from time to time, and this shouldn't stop you from dealing with these situations.
STEP 2: Take Responsibility
Next, take responsibility for your actions. Say out loud the exact words that came to your mind when you thought about your mistake and how it impacted others. These words might surprise you, but they'll help you gain perspective on what went wrong.
It's hard to see these things objectively, especially if you have a tendency to focus on yourself and your own feelings. But taking responsibility doesn't mean blaming someone else for what you did. You can still admit that you screwed up, and then you need to do some hard self-reflection.
STEP 3: Do Something to Make Up for It
This step is easy and the most important one. As you reflect on what went wrong, you might notice that you could've handled the situation differently.
Doing something for someone else to make up for your mistake can go a long way towards repairing your relationship with them. Maybe it's going over to apologize, maybe it's paying for dinner or drinks, or maybe it's something smaller. The key is to recognize that you've caused pain, but also to do something to make amends for it.
Now you know the secret to forgiving yourself and moving on!
Very important