Difficult conversations are inevitable when it comes to conflict. This is especially true when you are trying to communicate effectively in a high stake or sensitive situation.
As I've gotten older and worked with more and more people on a daily basis, I've found that the number of difficult conversations is actually surprisingly low. Instead, most conflicts arise from misunderstandings or miscommunication. If you are constantly talking over people, not listening, being argumentative, or avoiding communication, chances are you are creating conflict where none existed before.
Being open to hearing another person's point of view is the first step to communicating effectively during conflict.
Here are some tips to help you navigate conflict in a way that is productive and constructive:
STEP 1: Focus on the Conversation and Your Goals
Start by focusing on the conversation. This is probably the biggest mistake people make during a difficult conversation.
What they are focused on is only part of the problem. As an aside, I also find it helps to imagine yourself sitting down with your mother and brother or sister to talk about something important.
You know the things they love and dislike, what they are looking for, and what is important to them. You want to be in the same position. You need to take a similar approach to difficult conversations.
Ask yourself, what are we trying to accomplish during this conversation? Are you trying to get something across, understand the other person's point of view, or find out what they would prefer to do in this scenario?
STEP 2: Take Responsibility for the Way You Talk
Your tone of voice and body language will either help or hinder your communication during a difficult conversation. You are responsible for both, which means if you feel like you're arguing, you are.
You also need to be clear about your goals. It's easy to get caught up in what you want to communicate, but sometimes you have to listen to what the other person has to say.
STEP 3: Don't Rely on the Other Person to Get What You Want
There are times when you can't do what you want. If you expect someone else to take responsibility for their behavior, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Don't focus on changing the other person to help you achieve your goal. Instead, try to change your attitude or approach so that you are willing to compromise or change your stance.
STEP 4: Communicate Frequently and Actively
It's essential to be clear about your boundaries. If the other person gets angry and walks away, then that's what you want to happen. There is no reason to talk over them.
Make sure you are being clear about what you need. If you have a hard time getting through a conversation, you are probably not being clear or direct enough.
STEP 5: Focus on the Goal and Not the Outcome
If you end up in a fight with someone over a decision, that's fine. It's not a reflection on you. You are responsible for the actions of your team and the