There is a part of you that wants to hold onto your resentments, believing that it’s healthy to punish yourself. You may be resentful toward someone for whatever reason, but that doesn’t mean that you have to keep punishing yourself by dwelling on that person’s actions.
Forgiveness is an important part of healing and moving forward, because holding onto resentment will only hurt your emotional health.
I want to share a story about how I let go of the resentment I had toward a person who was once very close to me.
In order to heal from the heartache that I experienced in that relationship, I did three things:
I forgave myself for my shortcomings
I asked myself why I held onto my resentments so tightly
I made a new plan for my future that was filled with peace, love, and happiness
Step 1: Forgive Yourself for Your Shortcomings
Forgiving yourself for your shortcomings means being compassionate toward yourself and recognizing what you can do differently in the future to avoid falling back into that pattern.
It’s ok to be imperfect, but don’t dwell on your mistakes or your mistakes will never disappear. You can’t move forward if you constantly look backward.
Forgiving yourself allows you to acknowledge your humanity, which helps you to feel better about yourself. It also allows you to release yourself from any guilt or shame that you feel for making a mistake.
There’s nothing wrong with accepting yourself. In fact, it’s a form of self-love.
Step 2: Ask Yourself “Why Do I Hold On to My Resentments So Tightly?”
When you are holding onto resentments, it’s often because you’re afraid of change and the unknown. However, you are allowed to feel whatever emotions that come up when you think about the past, but you need to choose whether to feel them or let them pass through you.
The first step to letting go of resentment is to become aware of why you’re holding onto your resentments so tightly.
Ask yourself:
What am I afraid of when I hold onto these resentments?
Am I afraid of change?
Am I afraid of the unknown?
Am I afraid of looking stupid or getting in trouble?
Once you’ve answered these questions, you can begin to make the decision to let go.
In my case, I was feeling guilty about something my ex-partner had done. I thought about how he treated me and my children, and the pain he caused.
It was hard for me to let go of all that resentment and forgive myself. I wanted to hate him, but I knew that wasn’t healthy. I didn’t want to hold on to any anger or negativity, but I couldn’t just walk away and ignore his actions.