To be selfish and self-loving at the same time is actually a contradiction. A true "selfish" person will see the needs of others before his own. To be a truly happy and fulfilled person, he has to balance these two opposing poles of his being - he has to be a person who loves himself first and foremost.
So, what is self-love then? It's an attitude towards your own happiness that brings both contentment and peace of mind. In other words, self-love is the positive attitude toward oneself and a dedication to your own welfare and happiness. It is an individual's ideal to have a good and healthy relationship with himself. A self-loving person feels guilty and regrets if he hurts others. He strives to make things right and offers help and encouragement to those who are down and out.
You may say: I don't think I can be selfish or selfless at the same time. You're right. But how can you do both at the same time? The trick is to learn to love yourself first. As time goes by, you will realize that you have everything to offer and no need to take any more that what you can comfortably give.
Selfish is connected to a narrow self-absorption. Selfish people focus on themselves. They set standards for themselves and get upset when they don't live up to them. Selfish is a form of perfectionism. It's important to accept yourself as you are and love, appreciate, and accept other people as they are. A healthy self-esteem is necessary for self-love.
Selfish people tend to focus only on their own needs. They forget to take care of others. Selfish people are hurt by criticism. They don't accept self-criticism as a valid form of love. Selfish behaviors always seek pleasure or avoid pain.
A person with self-love focuses on giving rather than receiving. In contrast, a person who is selfish enjoys receiving than giving. For example, a person who thinks that he or she is too smart to date a plain female might pursue a woman who is intelligent, since he or she would like to know how smart she is.
Selfish people have a hard time being generous with love and affection. Since they place themselves first, they only enjoy physical intimacy with a person who is self-loving and self-accepting. They also need reassurance that they aren't relying on or stealing another person's good fortune. This can cause a person to detach emotionally from others. If this happens often, then the person has developed an unhealthy sense of self. He or she might lack self confidence and feel inadequate.
Finally, self-lovelance does not mean that the person is entirely without faults. A person who is self-loving has no need to criticize himself or herself. The focus is on self-improvement and growth. It doesn't mean that a person will never make mistakes. Selfish people learn to forgive and forget.
One of the major problems with selfishness is that it becomes a pattern, rather than something that can be shifted. Once a person develops this habit, he or she might think that there are no flaws in him or her. This may lead to some dangerous behaviors. Selfish people might abuse the power and influence other people for their own personal gain. They might make selfish demands or keep others from doing what's best for them.
People need to love themselves first. When they love themselves, they realize that they have all the essential qualities to be a great spouse, parent, friend, etc. Selfish people are usually more self-absorbed than self-loving. They lack self-awareness and so, they do not realize that they need to get outside of themselves and look inside themselves. That means they don't get to recognize, appreciate or even need the qualities in themselves that others have.
Selfish people need to develop more sensitivity. Without that sensitivity, their sense of fairness, empathy or compassion would also be compromised. Selfish people have an unfortunate tendency to focus only on their own needs. They fail to see the needs of others and sometimes, they take things for granted because they think these needs do not affect them.
Selfish people do not like to share. That is why they seek fulfillment through their selfish desires. A person who is selfish might also be self-destructive. That is why it is important for people to set limits and rules. If a person tries to live by selfish principles, he or she might bring others down upon himself or herself.
