The Importance of Paying a Compliment Even to a Total stranger. Never underestimate the power of a compliment, it can change your whole outlook on life, and not in the best way either. By nature we are competitive by nature, and so receiving compliments is part of the game of life. But the way we perceive it, or lack the self-awareness to acknowledge it, can alter how compliments are perceived by us in the public arena, and also in our own interactions with those we do know.
When I received a compliment, I felt a sense of pride, that I had done something right. Even if the compliment was lame in fact, that did not matter, I was gracious and I knew I was doing something right. It is important to note that sometimes it can be hard to ignore an unintentional insult, which can cause you to focus on that area in your life when really you should be thinking about the compliment. So if you feel the need to respond to someone's comments, especially if they have offended you in the first place, the first thing to do is to acknowledge them without getting upset, or taking sides.
In fact when I receive compliments I like to think of all the people I've helped, and the many tasks I have completed. The feeling of accomplishment and power, or feeling like I've done something meaningful with my time, is powerful and can help me to realize that compliments are not about me but about other people. This is very different than a compliment, where the receiver is focused only on how they look, or how their clothes fit, or other superficial things. By acknowledging the real value of the compliment the compliments become more heartfelt. It becomes an act of giving, rather than taking or receiving.
You don't have to agree with someone in order to give them a compliment. You just have to be able to say it in such a way that it makes them feel appreciated. One way to do that is to be aware of what they already know, and be able to verbalize it without coming on too strongly. A simple way to do that is to mention something they've said before. If they've mentioned something in a conversation before then you can reference it as well.
Also, another way to give a compliment is to offer an alternative opinion. For example, if they've said something like "Great job" and you'd like to add "but what about..." then you can. If you don't want to add anything, then just simply say that's okay. They'll appreciate that you're listening and that you value their opinions.
Another way to use compliments is to start a discussion that is about to turn heated. Don't start a discussion about what you didn't like about the other person's behavior, but about how you agree with them on certain issues. This way you can move the conversation into a positive area, where you both feel better and more at ease. Even if you don't change their behavior, at least they will feel listened to and seen as an individual with their own thoughts and feelings. You will be surprised how this will increase their self-confidence and make them feel more comfortable around you.
One of the best ways to avoid getting into a heated conversation is to avoid the situation entirely. If you need a friendly reminder to stay in a nice mood, then it is okay to ask for a brief smile or handshake. If someone gives you a compliment and you instantly respond with a one-word response such as "Thanks" then you've now just given him or her a compliment in the most polite, non-intrusive way possible. Always follow up a compliment with another kind of a compliment, such as "I think you'll do great in college." However, always remember to thank the person for his or her time and say that you look forward to receiving more compliments of the same kind.
Paying a compliment is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's really all about the way you say it. The more genuine you are the better the results will be. If you can manage to stay calm and use your words effectively then you are well on your way to learning how to give a compliment.