"What are you looking for in life?" is probably one of the most important questions we face, yet we spend most of our time answering it for others. Most of us know how to answer it, and we are experts at it. But what if you stop asking yourself?
Today's guest post is from Dr. Tim Ryan, PhD., an associate professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
“How did you find the person that is the source of all happiness in your life?”
When I ask this question of my students, many of them will say that they found someone who makes them laugh or makes them feel loved. But most of them don’t understand why.
We live in a culture that tells us what we are supposed to think about ourselves. It’s a culture that says we should believe in ourselves first. This type of thinking suggests that being happy depends on things like “being self-confident, having a strong ego, and feeling proud”.
But this isn’t how happiness works. When we start by looking for happiness in external sources, we are never going to find true joy. In fact, the only thing that ever gives me true joy is to focus on things that I am grateful for.
True happiness comes from within. You can’t find happiness from outside of you. It’s your perspective on life that determines whether you’re happy.
So here is how you can find true joy in your life:
Start by focusing on the three things you are truly grateful for:
-Your health
-Your relationships
-Your faith
When you are focused on what you are grateful for, everything else falls into place.
Ask yourself how each of these things are related to each other. For example, are you grateful for your relationships because you believe that your relationships help you be healthier? Or, maybe it’s the opposite. Are you healthy because of your relationships?
The truth is, every part of our lives is interrelated. We can’t find true joy unless we start by looking inward. We need to ask, “What brings me the most joy?” And the answer to this question will always bring you back to what you are truly grateful for.
The goal of this post is to encourage you to change your focus from asking others what they want to you to focusing on what you want to give. Asking others what they want to you is an opportunity to show your love.
Here are some tips:
-Stop talking about how you are going to give something to someone else. Instead, talk about what you want to give.
-Look for opportunities to share.
-Start doing random acts of kindness for strangers.
-Get in touch with your authentic self. What does that look like for you? If you practice what I’m teaching, you’ll find that you’re able to experience