Taking responsibility for our actions means that we can't leave it up to others to respond to conflict in the same way as we would like. We have to be able to respond, and we have to do it in a positive manner. If we respond to conflict in a negative way, we will give ourselves excuses not to deal with what we believe is important at hand. If we respond to conflict in a positive way, we will feel more control over the situation and we will know how to best approach the issue at hand.
One of the most difficult things to do in life is to respond to conflict in a positive manner. It can be very easy to get caught up in what other people are saying and how they are saying it, and this can often lead us on a tangent rather than taking responsibility for our own actions and beliefs. Instead of responding to conflict in this way, take the time to really understand what is being said, and why it is being said. This will give you some insight into how to respond to conflict in a better manner.
Another way to respond better than responding to conflict is to acknowledge the fact that you do have an opinion, even if you are unable to express it in words. The challenge with this, of course, is when we get caught in a conversation and someone starts talking about something we don't agree with, we often try to argue with them in an attempt to change their point of view. While this can sometimes work, it is usually a one-sided conversation where neither party is willing to compromise.
Taking a step back from the situation, looking at it from a more objective point of view, may be a better way to handle things. For example, if someone has accused you of being responsible for a particular event, and you feel that the blame lies with them, perhaps you could agree with them, but then say that you know that the event actually had nothing to do with you and placed the blame elsewhere. Or you can also say that you accept the fact that they were the one that behaved inappropriately and that you apologize for your part in the conflict. By doing this, you are not taking responsibility for the situation but instead, you are merely putting it on the side. As stated earlier, both of these approaches can work very well, and it is simply a matter of choosing which one to use based on how others may react.
Taking responsibility for our part in a conflict does not mean we are admitting guilt. In fact, the best way to respond to conflict is not to admit any wrongdoing at all! The best way to respond to conflict is to try to find a middle ground where you can talk things out without taking responsibility for the outcome. It is in situations like this that we are able to learn new ways of dealing with conflict so that in the future, we do not end up defending a position when we should instead try and understand the opposing side's point of view. In short, to respond better than responding to conflict is to learn to negotiate properly and listen carefully before making a major decision.
Taking responsibility does not mean that we are agreeing with what another person is saying. For example, if Joe, who is a customer, tells Mary, a customer service representative, that he finds her abrasive and incompetent, she will most likely respond by pointing this out to everyone else in the office, including Joe. Joe can then respond by giving a suitable apology to Mary and telling her that she is wrong and he accepts her opinion. Of course, he will have to explain why he thinks that way, but he has acknowledged that he is wrong and that it was not his intent to be harsh or discourteous. So, when Joe makes a mistake, Mary is not accused of being callous or of not knowing what she is talking about. In fact, Mary is praised for handling her problem professionally rather than personally; two very different things from what Joe would have done in the previous example.
The fact that Joe made the mistake and openly admitted to it makes it less believable that he intended to make it. On the other hand, if Joe had denied making the remark and continued to work with Mary even after she had conveyed her displeasure, the combination of honesty and contrition could make it seem as though he had intended to make the remark. In that case, Joe may have been seen as callous in the extreme--but Mary would still have viewed him as kind and responsible. This would have led to a positive feedback and improvement in the relationship. It would have avoided a potential ongoing conflict and, in all probability, would have resulted in Joe continuing to work with Mary even though she was unhappy with his performance. In short, Joe learned how to handle conflict in a constructive way and ended up with a more positive working relationship.
Learning to respond to conflict in a constructive manner can only come with experience. It is something that we have to get good at as a society. We tend to respond to conflict in ways that cause us grief and pain. A professional conflict management workshop can help you to develop ways of responding to conflict that will make you feel better and thereby improve your relationships. You are not just responding to conflict, you are responding to conflict in a more constructive way.