Yesterday I was talking to one of my aunts, she is quite aged and the last few years have not gone very well for her. She has been having constant issues with her daughter and now they are at a stage where both of them do not want to see each other's face also. It's sad to see such things in family specially between parents and children. For quite some time I was not in touch with her but her daughter was always in touch with me and she would tell me what was happening between them. I did not want to get involve in their family matters so I tried to stay neutral and cordial as much as possible. But from whatever she would tell me, I would always feel that she was the victim and her mother, my aunt was not right in her ways. Yesterday I spoke to my aunt at length and I was trying to tell her that it's enough and both of them should come together and resolve their issues. But then she gave me her side of the story which was very different from what her daughter had told me and that confused me more. Again, I did not want to comment on any of that nor take anyone's side so I told her that while I am listening to her, she should not expect that I should accept everything.
Whenever there are problems in any relationship, both the parties have their own story and it is good not to judge who is right and who is wrong. I always believe that it takes 2 to create a problem and resolve a problem. It's not wise to put finger on just one person and say he or she is the problem. Unless we do not hear both the sides it is not even right to form any judgements, because people will tell their stories as convenient to them, they may not lie or twist the facts but they will say things based on the emotions that they feel. They may feel betrayed but that does not mean that they have got betrayed. Sometimes we set such high expectations from the opposite person and when that does not get fulfilled, we feel betrayed, but then that is not the person's fault. It is our fault to set high expectations and then if there is failure, we need to accept that as well graciously.
I did not want to get involved so far in their matters, but then yesterday I was feeling that both of them need help. My aunt is old and at this age I do not like to see her helpless with her children and her daughter has certain misunderstanding with her mother which I feel both of them can sit together and sort it out. I believe that love is a solution to all the problems. There is never a solution that comes from hatred, it just keeps making matters worse and brings so much pain in life. After all life is so short and what is the point of holding grudge against each other and living in pain.
My advice to her was that whatever has happened cannot be changed but future can be changed with whatever they can do from now on and it's best to drop off all these grudges against each other and come together. If we dig graves, we are only going to find skeletons, but if we sow seeds of love, we are going to reap beautiful flowers. That's what life is all about, we need to keep planting seeds and allow the beautiful garden of life to grow. It is never easy, it's a lot of challenges. Our ego will come in between and try to create obstacles but with Love we can win it all.
If the relationship matters to us, we need to nurture them with love and joy and allow them to grow in a healthy manner.
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