At a young age when thinking, acting and speaking skills were more active, I had a reaction to everything. It was a time when my blood boiled and my role in life was not clear.
I think most of us have a role model for the paths we will follow. Maybe one of our parents, maybe our teacher, our friend's father, or any character that we are influenced by the movie we watched.
As far as I can remember, I had conflicts about setting such a role model in my own life. With the effect of approaching everything from an oppositional point of view, I would find a reason to criticize the events and everyone around me.
My inquiring instinct would take action and I would look for flaws in all living and non-living things. I could do better, it's too expensive, I didn't like the color, I wouldn't hesitate to list excuses like I'm not feeling well today.
I still like to sit still or sleep at home instead of being active in cloudy and gloomy weather. I guess it must be a bad habit from the times I mentioned.
In times like these, scenarios and fictions constantly bother me enough to create a novel, but because I'm too lazy to write, they are all erased from my mind one by one. If someone wrote down what I said about me at that moment, the novel I was talking about would have already emerged.
Recording audio on my phone is an option I use when I'm away from typing, but in cloudy and foggy weather, I don't even have a finger to press the record button.
Keeping the notebook open and taking notes in the face of the events that life brings willingly or unwillingly can make a person more calm and unresponsive over time. Having an experience that you can compare in every event encountered makes a person more virtuous, I think.
While years ago I was ready to turn and fight if someone raised their voice against me, now I am far from the action to turn my head to see who it is even if they curse. Does this show that I have virtue? Does it show that I have matured mentally? Maybe it shows that I have become callous after bad events.
Or it is the fatigue that comes in middle age!
I've been focusing more on online work lately, and I want to get out of my mind from all real, physical work for years to come and just be trapped on an internet-connected device.
Although it is only the work of a thought for now, everything I remember from my decisions from the past to the present is that it first started with a thought.
First dream, then do.
I'm sure the thought of being trapped on a device is an area that many people who work online accept and are happy with. It is my preferred way to constantly devote time to new projects, meet new cryptos and be more productive. The joy and happiness of work will be multiplied when productivity turns into a stable daily income.
But limiting the connection to the outside is perhaps one of the last things I want to partially end because it will be very difficult for me to get used to it. In my current lifestyle, one foot is always outside and I am quite active except for seasonal transitions.
My biggest hesitation in turning my thoughts into reality is not being able to adapt a passive life or a semi-passive life to my own life. I don't have the luxury of saying "I gave up, I'm going back to my old job" when I break the order I have and have regrets afterwards.
I will lose all the customers and vendors I have bought and sold products to. I must say that this is a phase and not something that will develop out of nowhere. I will allow myself and my clients a transitional period.
No matter what is done, no one wants to leave a wreck behind.
The contradictions and indecisiveness I experience at work are as vague as the cloudy and gloomy weather I mentioned.
Indecision is one of the bad feelings and worst case, even the wrong decision to be made is better than indecision. I guess it's not just the sky! My mood is cloudy and gloomy!
So my tongue will have to dictate to my brain by chanting the issue of making a decision dozens, maybe hundreds of times.
Decide and implement gradually.
Image uploaded to pixabay by OpenClipart-Vectors.