Any incident that haunts you for the rest of your life?

It happened a couple of years ago. There was a wedding in the house next door, in the middle of January. So many people come to that house, so there is a lack of sleeping place at night. So the only grandmother in that house, I call Boudi, she comes to sleep with her 5 year old son in our house. We have 3 houses. One has parents, one has my grandfather and mother-in-law. I live in the other. So mother says that you sleep in your room with your nephew and sister-in-law (mother said about the sister-in-law of the neighboring house). So we go to sleep. After 2 hours of sleep, I excitedly hug Boudi, by which time nephew is asleep. When I could not control myself, Boudi tried to free herself and said slowly, what are you doing Thakurpo. Because if the nephew or the rest wake up. My excitement then reached the peak, not being able to control myself, I forced myself to have sex with Boudi that day. Then the mother-in-law got up in the morning and went home without saying anything to anyone. Since then I could not go in front of Boudi. Then 2 years passed. Boudi smiles when she sees me, I can't look at her in shame. This incident really shamed me, still shames me.