I haven't been able to write anything. To write about it would make it more real. I prefer to sleep to make it less real. In my dreams, he is alive again. Everyone can see him and touch him - I keep asking people to do it. Last night I asked him myself if I could touch him, and he considered it, with a beatific smile, his beatific smile, no one else's, and walked away. How I long for another hug! How I long for another smile. I sleep to see his beauty again, to see his happiness, long gone from this earth, back now in my dreams.
So the prompt is skater. He was a skater first. His own dreams were to become healthy enough again to sk8te again someday. He prayed to his god, Allah, daily for his strength to return. Strength to believe fully, strength to live fully, strength to skate again, his first love.
No, I was his first love. And I was his last love. His last word was "Mom" which he whispered over and over again while he lay dying in my arms. My last words to him, were, over and over again, I love you. I have that to hold onto now.
This is my entry to @mariannewest's daily freewrite challenge on Hive. Today's prompt is skater.
My sincere condolences to you. It's so much harder the other way around. As parents, to see a child die.
I have read through the other comments and now understand you a little better.
I wish you a lot of strength to get through this time of intense grief.
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Is this a true story? Did you lose your son? 😢
I don't know what prompted me to get on today, but my first thought was to see how you were fairing. Sending love.
Yeah. Two weeks ago tomorrow. He's been sick forever, like 18 years, but I had no idea I would be losing him. When he went, he went fast. Brutal. Still. Actually worse today. Idk why I wrote today, but that prompt...
I thought "well look who's here" when I saw your handle. I've missed you! Place is not the same these days.
Thanks for the love. back atcha
18 years!! What illness did he have? I'm so sorry! And that is inadequate, there are no words.
Iatrogenic disease caused by the medications used to treat his supposed Crohn's disease. I believe he did not have crohn's at all, but rather a tick born disease, Bartonella. If I am right, then all the meds used to treat him, especially the prednisone, only aggravated his true illness. Once a patient has a diagnosis, however, no other possibilities are even considered, certainly not tick born. His medical care was a shit show from day one. Extremely traumatic for the entire family. He and I were both treated like lunatics. I stay away from those quacks now. First they guess about what the problem is, then they guess about what will fix it. They are incapable of reflection. Maybe it has not always been this way, but it is now.
I wish more people would realise this before they get shafted.
Doctors are not scientists - they are drug dealers.
And as you found out, is very hard to change a diagnosis - even a mis-diagnosis. Some years ago, I ended up seeing a consultant in London - seeing someone higher up the food chain DID change the diagnosis - funnily it changed from "X" to "don't know", but at least came off the toxic meds!
Sorry for your loss, especially after such a long time.
Only one of my three kids escaped being poisoned. My regrets almost all involve trust I put in doctors and other "experts." We need to remember, not learn or be taught, how to think for ourselves. We are untaught how to connect the dots.
yeah, we discussed this before. I suspect it is harder to now carry the burden of knowing, rather than those who remain convinced in their ignorance. The literature on potentially undoing the harm is fragmented (on purpose). Depending on age, fasting is a strange but potentially helpful protocol - just have to be very careful if fat-soluble toxins are released, so would really need to sit down and go through the side-effects; sometimes is not a side-effect of the lack of food but those dormant toxins being released as part of the detox! oh the horrible irony.
You mentioned prednisone - nobody should be on that long term. It was the first thing my doc took me OFF, as he said it wasn't good beyond emergency use - and that was just 2 months, if i recall.
He's the only doctor I've found here who knows what he's doing. Yes, he prescribes drugs, but is extremely careful as most of his patients come with symptoms of drug-reactions from other less-careful "doctors".
Just to add, I'm still researching the epigenetic damage done to me by drugs - maybe have a fresh delve every 6 months - I've even hit paywall-dirt, knowledge hidden behind paid databases. But I have found info that my doc agreed could be true - the only problem is that even knowing that there is still no known antidote to reverse the damage.
I am sorry and saddened about your beloved Son's passing, I thought that this was just a fictional story then I thought that it was so passionately written with emotions of effectively telling a selfless love towards a lovedone @owasco, then I read your comment below, my deepest sympathies for you.
I hope that you are OK now even though it is really painful to lose someone we love dearly. I have the same thought with my mother, I hope that I will not lose her or I will be in a very bad situation, nothing just compares with the people that we love and loves us. It just frustrates me that I am in this condition but I have to trust God on what he plans for me.
Take care. ♥
Thank you @cryptopie. It's been quite a tough number of years for us all. I am happy he is no longer in pain, but boy do I miss his fighting spirit and inquisitive being. He was a very good man.
God bless you always for being a great Mother @owasco, you are indeed a hand of God in this world.
My deepest condolences on your loss. I'm glad he had you to be with him at the end. In the midst of this tragedy this is a testament to his good fortune that you were his mother, and I'm glad you have that to hold onto as well.
I hope that despite your move that you have someone close by to talk to if you find yourself in need. Sometimes when tragedy hits like this the full impact can be delayed.
I've wondered for some time at your absence, and now I know. Take as much time as needed and know that your absence has been felt and we will be here waiting if need be for your return.
There has been a lot of opening, mixed in with the horrible. I have enough support, but not so much that I can't be me. The horrible for/with him has been for a great many years. Now they are over, and I am well aware that most health horrors originate in medical "care." That's one more of us, one fewer of them.
Thanks for your loverly comment. It gave me a jolt of joy, what it's all about. xo
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