It's been said by many that time is something that can never be recovered. And as I sat down today, I began to ponder what I did with the final three years of my life. I question whether I was ever truly satisfied with every decision I made. First, I at last understood that I was just in school "because everyone my age is in school." Subsequently, I discovered that the document I was able to obtain is probably not going to be useful in my career. Ultimately, I discovered that I am not challenged or exhilarated by my current major. Perhaps it does, but I find it to be quite dull.
Almost all of my 19–21 years were spent traveling and seeking thrills—none of which involved going to school. I thought that compared to when I stayed in school, I was growing more. Programming led me to salvation and love. Every time I developed something, fixed a bug, or got something to function, I became excited. Even yet, I lack the expertise to support myself from it. I'm forced to turn to writing, which is the only method of earning money I know of.
Even I became weary of that. I had to return to school after that since I had to finish it. My parents have invested a great deal of money and effort into getting me to continue my education. Once, I apologized to my mother for not fulfilling my responsibility. Even after I apologize, I lack the energy to stay up to date with my studies. Although I am aware that my grades were good, I don't find emotional fulfillment in it.
It's hard to find emotionally fulfilling things. I did a lot of things that hardly lasted. I switch between projects quickly and don't always finish them all. This took me over two hours to write. I typically do a work in under an hour, especially if it involves free writing. I went from being completely focused to unsure about the direction I wanted to take this painting. While I struggled to choose music on YouTube and felt nostalgic for parts of it, I lost my train of thought.
That brings an end to our day.