It is still a dark, nothing is here. I can hear birds singling far away, I can see a few starts, scattered here and there. But I am tired. I am so much in pain from this awakening. My every inch is sored. I am so much in pain, that my soul is screaming. But I remain silent., I can't do anything about it. Even if I seek help, who is there to help? A few people lost in their dreams? The sleep walking through this reality, stumbling on each other. Completely blind. I am afraid of their delusional minds.
This is my destiny, but somehow I have to share the damn thing!
Why!!??
People stubbornly believe that somebody will take responsibility for their own feelings and expectations. They need, so desperately need somebody to blame for all this mess. They had some personas in the past. I don't blame them. In all that panic of existence, they need a scapegoat. They need something, somebody, anything to banish in the desert. I am not afraid of their strong sides, I am afraid of their weaknesses. And then some say I am a loner, and it is not good. It is great! Just go your own way. Please do not look in my direction. I am perfect as I am. No need fixing.
Some people's minds stench like trash bins, but all off them drip like broken faucets. They just leak this insecurity and madness. A flavor too special to be forgotten easily. Why did I wake up, please...
So I can smell it, taste it, feel it.. all over again!!?? I am far too old for this shit again. And it is repeating. Just like a damn Ouroboros. It fills up everything.
Things with that special kind of a people go from normal to insane rather instantly. It is a craziness that drives them forward. They know it is futile, but don't care. That innate need to fight off the emptiness and stagnation is all they will ever know. Are they programmed that way? I asked others in this grove, but nobody really can tell.
By the way, we all just walk in circles, same like the Mystic Snake. We hold pour heads low, covering our eyes with those long broad hats, so that you don't see our faces, and we just walk in circles, really slowly. Because, we know, more than anyone, that we are only the passengers, travelers, and prisoners in this world.
I can not think is a direction of the hope for better tomorrow, happiness and all that jazz... I am also making circles, and hoping somebody will hand me a magic chart. An escape route. But was this not what we all wanted. After all, it was our free choice.
It should be our free choice to abandon the ship, but I guess the rules of this game were never in our hands. We false believed this would be better, but instead of the upgrade we were handed the downgraded version of our worst case scenario.
It happens that you don't think, that you do not use the brain as you should. But, what if that somebody who is you, put an entire existence on the incinerator, just because the coffee was not hot enough...
I never thought about it in that way. My expectations were too high, my skills too poor and I definitely lacked more than a few good ones in the execution. So I am not really all that confused why I am in here.
Photo by Cosmic Timetraveler on Unsplash .