Inherited Family Patterns

As we grow up in our life, we see that by the time we become adult we have inherited some patterns in our life and that also becomes kind of our character and personality. Some patterns are good and some are not very good. Do we really choose as children to not learn the not very good things? I do not think we have much of choice, as many things get inherited to us in the bloodline.

So how does this whole thing of not learning the good things of life takes place?
As children we learn from our parents, elders, teachers....in the growing up we experience pleasant and unpleasant things.
A child experiences abuse + love both in the growing up, eventually when the child grows up, it is very much possible that the child starts associating love with abuse and feels that this is normal, because the child has seen this all the time in the growing up. As an adult when this person gets married and if the person's understanding has still been the same, the person will think that it is very much ok to be abusive in front of children and passes on the same patterns to their child as well.

I do not say these patterns cannot change, but to change them, first one must have self-realization and an understanding of what is correct and what is not correct. It is not about socially acceptable or not, it is about morally acceptable or not. When the self-realization happens, then the self-work starts to change things within.

Source

I have observed that children who go out of their family patterns are also often termed as rebellions, because they break those patterns and try to be what they want to be, which again not necessarily is always good. The child may have a good upbringing but because of the external influences also may sometimes get into wrong patterns.

The child learns everything from 2 people in the growing up, which is the father and mother, not necessary both of them have similar thought process, they come with their own patterns which they try to influence on their child, now here sometimes the child also gets confused, if the parents have contradictory patterns. The more dominant partner will be more influencing on the child and the possibility is that the child will carry the patterns of the dominant partner.

Today depression is a very common issue, and majorly it is because people are not able to handle critical situations of life. The upbringing of a child plays a big role here, the stronger the foundation, the better equipped the child is to face challenging situations in adulthood and vice versa. Broken homes, abusive parents, parents with addictions, they are not clear of what they want in life and that same they pass it onto their children. When children from these families grow up, they really find it difficult to face the world and end up with a lot of mental health issues. Life becomes very complicated for them.

Eventually these adults also shut down their feelings, wants and needs, which is not very healthy. It is important that if we see such people around us, we extend help and make them understand that it is ok, they cannot change the past but they can surely work on their future and not pass on the same patterns to their future generations.

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