Managing Emotional Reactivity for Healthier Relationships.

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As we go through life, it's quite normal to feel strongly in response to certain situations or triggers. Strong emotions are typically accompanied by behaviors that we pick up from the people around us as children and then repeat. These emotions can occasionally develop into maladaptive ones that jeopardize or damage our most significant relationships.

Prolonged emotional reactivity can result in poor interaction, decreased trust, frequent or cascading confrontations, and difficulties developing strong, meaningful relationships with significant others in our life.

Those who overreact emotionally frequently say cruel things to other people when they're angry, cry excessively, yell or raise their voices at others, hurl objects or hit walls, or experience abrupt and dramatic mood swings. Recognizing Emotional Reactivity When a person reacts to an external stressor in a way that is out of proportion to the trigger—typically through anger, snapping, despair, or stress—it is known as emotional reactivity, also known as emotional dysregulation. It's common for emotionally reactive persons to believe they have little control over their behavior.

Many individuals who exhibit emotional reactivity may cry excessively, yell or raise the way they speak at others, hurl objects or hit walls, or experience abrupt and drastic mood swings. They may also say harsh things to other people when they are angry. Uncontrolled emotional reactivity can have a detrimental effect on our relationships. It can impede communication and trust, result in cascading arguments that are hard (or impossible) to end, and prevent you from developing a close, meaningful relationship with your spouse.

Why It's Critical to Control Reactivity Being less reactive has many advantages that can significantly raise the caliber of all of your relationships with other people. Your dearest relationships—including your romantic partnership—will be most affected because these are the ones you spend the most time with and are most likely to see all facets of you.

Some Techniques to Reduce Your Emotional Reactivity.

1 . Determine and Express Your Triggers: Although introspection is essential for controlling emotional reactions, collaboration with someone else can also be helpful! According to Brateman, identifying your triggers and having an honest conversation concerning them with your spouse is one of the greatest ways to do this. Your significant other can better navigate situations or even change how they interact with you if they are aware of your possible triggers.

Thinking back on your triggers while you're grounded and at ease could be beneficial. Are there any commonalities in the conversational subjects or situations that make you feel particularly agitated, furious, or defensive? Are there specific phrases, words, or situations that make you uncomfortable? What are they, if any?

2 . Enhance Your Active Listening Skills: One way to lessen emotional reactivity is to enhance your active listening skills. Brateman advises not talking over one another or concentrating just on the aspects that you find objectionable. Occasionally, we respond to what we believe to be hearing. And that brings up old grudges or fears. We are therefore unable to be told and comprehend what is truly being spoken. Active listening exercises can be beneficial.

Walking away completely during a heated exchange might help you and the other person you are engaging with stay safe. It's crucial to clarify that you require some time to calm down rather than abruptly leaving. Additionally, let them know when you plan to return to finish up the debate.

3 . Strategies for Rapid Relaxation: Request Clarification: Asking your partner to elucidate their meaning or intention behind a word or action is an additional strategy for engaging in active listening without becoming defensive. It will be less tempting to lash out when you take this probing, sensible approach, which allows you both to talk about the matter calmly. Seek to understand your partner's thoughts, feelings, experiences, and desires from them instead of jumping to conclusions and responding on impulse.

4 . Presume Good Intention: When faced with adversity, we often respond more forcefully. We can prevent an outburst of emotions by taking our partner's good intentions into account and spinning the story. You can regard your spouse more softly and become less prone to be triggered if you adopt this generous viewpoint rather of filling in the blanks with negative ideas. Learn to view your partner as a collaborator rather than an adversary.

5 . Partner with a Therapist:
Having a therapist at your side can expedite the process of better emotional control. You might even need the help of a therapist in some situations to recognize and deal with your triggers. Like anything else, learning to control your emotions better takes time and practice. Along the way, there will inevitably be ups and downs. Stay the course and give yourself self-compassion and grace along the way. The work may be well worth it since you can increase intimacy, closeness, and trust in all of your relationships by learning to be less reactive emotionally and by developing better reactions of emotion and communication skills.