Social Acceptance and Desperation: Fear the underlying cause of Desperation.

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People get desperate and that's when it happens. This may result from a desire for romantic connection, a desire to advance in one's work, or a drive to fit in with a social group. But the issue with this kind of thinking is that it often ends up doing the opposite of what you planned. An air of urgency that accompanies desperation always turns people off. Really far away. As someone who has fought the disorder to please over the years, I speak from personal experience.

Yeah, I've been desperate before. But, personally, I have no shame about this. It has been a part of my life, and I believe that most individuals have as well. We all have fantasies of our ideal, shining life. When our reality doesn't match our ideal, most individuals begin to make changes. But it is terrifying. Fear sets in.

The root of desperation is fear—the fear that we are insufficient to achieve our goals in the context of normal life. Fear causes us to act rashly, drastically alter our personalities, and claim to be someone we are not. Have you ever been there before? It can stem from your desire to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past or your dread of never being accepted or loved. Fear can originate from previous actions, which then permeates the present and destroys our future.

Not that I lied—making friends has helped me get through the majority of my desperate times. I was in my late twenties when I finally learned how to build real friends. In other words, I spent a lot of years making mistakes, trying too hard, and positioning myself to be advantageous. I must first go back to high school. I did make some friends there, but I soon came to the conclusion that these were not people I should be spending my time with. I was not with the any negative habits, being a devoted rule follower. I still find it quite depressing to follow unhealthy behaviors.

A delicate, artistic gal like myself did not flourish in this honky tonky environment. I shut down because I didn't think I fit anyplace. My self-worth fell as a result, crippling me for years.

Desperation sets in when one's sense of self-worth is low. I did, however, try again. I'll try it without fear! Hit a few, but missed a great deal more. That is inevitable with erratic, perplexed college-age pupils, don't you think? I used to believe that friends should be made up of people who share a common interest. Not always effective, as I discovered the hard way!

Additionally, I believed that I couldn't dispute with those I regarded as friends and gals. I didn't know how to participate in a civil discussion. The people-pleaser simply continued to slink in. I mistakenly believed that combat was reserved for adversaries. I was reared in a household where passive-aggressive conduct and almost nonexistent communication were the norm, so I was very at ease dodging conflict and putting my feelings up in a cute little bow.

Nevertheless, I have two incredible gifts as a result of my desperate past: I can see hopeless behavior a mile away and I can empathize with those who are having a hard time facing their fears. I still make errors, despite the fact I have a ton of amazing gal companions now. Now more than ever, work has taken precedence over true friendships. Being able to give Pals and Gals the confidence to tell their truth is essential to their success. In actuality, desperation is not appropriate. Thankfully, I'm able to overcome it.