As the name suggests, the holidays are a time for celebration, family, and good times. But what if the "family" component of the equation makes the other two irrelevant? During the holidays, emotions may get high in families, which frequently leads to a lot of drama. Here's how you handle it. Readying for the Holidays There are many different definitions of "family drama," ranging from "We disagree on many things" to "I am afraid my relatives will abuse me." Preparing emotionally in advance is the best course of action if you anticipate any turmoil with your family around the holidays.
START BY HAVING REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.
Don't expect this year to be any different if your family is known for its arguments. Make your expectations based on past experiences. That way, you won't be let down when your mother yells at your dad for burning a Thanksgiving turkey and your sibling shows up with yet another shoulder tattoo to entice your devout aunt. Establish and recognize your own boundaries. To put it simply, be aware of your boundaries and "know that you're given the authority to set whatever borders are necessary for you to relax and be safe."This could entail just staying away from particular events. Establish your boundaries in advance, including when you will leave, if you decide to go. What subjects are you not going to talk about?
Recall that you are free to back off. If the situation gets out of control or you find oneself in the middle of a dispute, leave and locate a peaceful, alone place. If you have a matter of seconds for yourself, this can be beneficial. Stay away from topics that you know will constantly make you angry. Prepare oneself emotionally for the ensuing turmoil if you are unable to. Getting taken off guard only exacerbates the drama. Make an effort to foresee such outcomes and make appropriate plans. Are you willing to make an effort to soothe everyone? Or should you leave the apartment when things get heated and go somewhere else? This could be one of those situations when you "hope for the best, anticipate the worst.
TECHNIQUES FOR HANDLING FAMILY CONFLICT.
There are ways to deal with family turmoil, even though it might seem inevitable. Establishing and Upholding Boundaries Maintaining boundaries is crucial in any family setting, but it's much more crucial if your family has a history of drama. Make a firm decision on your boundaries in advance. You can tell if they are connected in this way.Are there certain subjects you won't talk about, remarks you won't put up with, etc.? These boundaries must then be communicated. A person who is unaware of a border cannot respect it.
If there are any topics that you feel are off limits to your family, be very clear about them up front. Are you unwilling to discuss work? Inform your loved ones of this, and resist their push to do so. Don't want to put up with the incessant inquiries about your romantic life? Make it plain that this topic is forbidden. Demonstrating to your loved ones that you will not become involved in their arguments is also crucial. You can say this if somebody tries to get your attention:
"Talking about this isn't helping anyone, in my opinion."
"I'm not getting involved in this one."
Remember that a boundary tells someone what your limits are, not that it dictates how they should behave. "Don't talk about my body," for example, is not a boundary; but, "I'll leave the conversation if you say something about my body." In the event that borders are crossed, what will you do? Remember that a boundary tells someone what your limits are, not that it dictates how they should behave.
You stay emotionally safe when you have clear limits. Even while it may be difficult to maintain such boundaries, particularly when you're surrounded by people who are contributing to the drama and your emotions are running high, doing so will only benefit you.
Go to a different room or a corner and practice breathing techniques if you're feeling triggered. For four counts, inhale through your nose, and for six counts, exhale through your mouth. Continue until you feel less anxious and your heart rate lowers. A neurological system that is overactive can benefit greatly from deep breathing.
Give the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method a try. If you are experiencing a sense of overwhelm, concentrate on five visual, four auditory, three tactile, two olfactory, and one gustatory sense. This can help you re-establish yourself in your physical body and place oneself in a reality distinct from your feelings. Whether you're in the midst of a crowd or alone in your bedroom, the best thing is that one can do this anyplace.
Experience and communicate feelings. Keeping your feelings to yourself will only exacerbate the situation. Even if you are experiencing negative emotions, acknowledge them and allow yourself permission to feel them. When you are stuck in a scenario which makes you feel physically unsafe, it's normal to feel anxious, frustrated, and angry. Attempting to suppress those emotions only makes it harder to operate when faced with challenges; you're not being unreasonable. Inform people of your feelings, particularly if they are the ones that causing you distress. They probably have no idea how they are affecting you. By expressing your feelings, you allow your family to examine and modify their behavior.
TRANQUILITY AND PRACTICING MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES.
Take some time to focus on your body. You're carrying strain where? The areas of you that are most stressed out should be relaxed. Consider doing a body scan, where you begin by focusing on how your toes feel within your shoes and gradually work your way up your body, noting how helpful the advice is for holiday parties. Family conflicts over the holidays can indicate a lifetime of compounded trauma and tense relationships. Small arguments with family members are an indication of long-standing, unresolved issues and scars which we still carry around, which is why the holiday season can be so stressful.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself, and take proactive steps to take care of yourself by giving yourself time to relax, making an appointment with a friend beforehand, or acknowledging your needs during these often difficult moments. Are you confined to a dreadful Christmas gathering? The following are some useful coping strategies.You feel in every aspect of yourself. Tell yourself to relax when you see stress. Enjoy the fact that you were able to escape the drama for a little while and take care of yourself, even if you can't—and sometimes you can't.
GETTING HELP:
Having an anchor network is crucial when handling family conflict. If you feel safe around someone in your family, that's fantastic; try to spend as much time as possible with them and stay away from those that make you anxious. Knowing that you have that one family member you can always turn to to vent and vent can make all the difference, even if you have to deal with the dramatic ones. Also, you can envision how you would like the dialogue to conclude in a positive way. If it veers off course, you can use it as a guide to get back on track.
Have no family member you can trust? That's alright. Keep in mind that friends are always available to help. Telling your friends in advance that you may require to text or call them to get over a family get-together will allow them to be ready and have their cell phones handy in case you have to reach them. It can be comforting to know that you will soon return to your regular life with the selected family, particularly if you are stuck somewhere and unable to leave. Keeping in touch with pals during the holiday season is particularly crucial if you need reassurance that this alternate existence exists.
PERSONAL CARE AND THE PROCESS OF REFLECTION.
After the Holidays You can gain a lot of knowledge by thinking back on your experiences, even if your vacation was awful. What did you discover? Perhaps you discovered that some family members make you feel protected and others make you feel anxious. During Christmas gatherings, you may have discovered that you require regular pauses. Perhaps you discovered that in order to be enabled to return and spend any amount of time with your family, you must maintain contact with your pals outside of your own circle. These things are all fine and will be very useful to know later. You're ready to defend yourself the subsequent time you have to interact with your dramatic family.
If you need time alone, give yourself permission to do so. Taking a few days off from the world could be the perfect method for you to regain your sense of self after you recently overindulged in social interaction. Let yourself indulge in whatever your favorite self-care ritual is: bathe in the tub, read your favorite book, or binge-watch some comfort TV. Plan get-togethers for after your vacation if you must spend time with pals to make up for the encounters you recently experienced with your family. Since you know there's hope, understanding that you will be connecting with people you genuinely get alongside can be comforting and help you get through family time.
Most significantly, you may relax knowing that you won't have to endure another family holiday gathering for another year.