When you believe you are expressing yourself clearly and succinctly, have you ever found yourself in a scenario where someone tells you that you are being impolite? What went wrong?
In actuality, there is a thin line separating impolite and direct communication styles, and depending on a variety of circumstances, such as context, culture, neurotype, and nonverbal clues, the comment you just made may be interpreted as either. Misunderstandings and disagreement might result from taking a direct statement as impolite. When two people communicate differently, their views may diverge, leading to direct communication being interpreted as impolite.
When clients strive to be direct or forceful, they are often told that they are viewed as impolite. As someone with autism, I have also had my fair share of encounters when others have interpreted my attempts to explain myself as unpleasant. People who are mistakenly seen as disrespectful can be treated with grace if we understand more about communication directly approaches.
When tone and perception diverge from the intended meaning, we can prevent miscommunication. "What was communicated, what was entailed, and what was heard" is how I prefer to describe any interaction. Knowing more about how directness might be interpreted as rudeness will help us make those three interactions more consistent.
ARROGANCE AND DIRECTNESS.
When someone communicates directly, they frequently speak what they mean without sugarcoating, hesitating, or skirting the issue. Direct communicators are honest, forthright, and to the point. However, they can also be direct, which could come out as harsh. When someone is rude or disrespectful, that is considered rude communication. A direct communicator may come across as impolite if they are "brutally" honest or go right to the point. Our perception of someone as straightforward or unpleasant might be influenced by experience and internalized bias. According to studies on how patients view the communication styles of healthcare professionals, for example, women are more inclined to be viewed as impolite whereas males are seen as straightforward. Black women are particularly vulnerable to being accused of being impolite.
Indirect communication can also be difficult for direct communicators to comprehend. Someone who is accustomed to just stating your intentions might not notice hints or indirect cues. When a person who is less direct feels neglected because the direct communicator does not comprehend what they are pointing at, it might further aggravate them. We can better comprehend and react to direct communication if we are aware of how our internalized prejudices affect how we interpret the intentions of others.
Intent is irrelevant in some situations. For example, it is objectively impolite rather than just straightforward when someone communicates in a way that is overtly offensive or damaging. However, it might be even more detrimental than unpleasant communication to solely concentrate on how communication is received rather than how it is intended.
When someone's communication style is prioritized over the point of view they are attempting to deliver, this is known as tone policing. For example, Black women are more likely than men and white individuals to be accused of being impolite, as mentioned in the previous section. The goal of tone policing is to prevent someone from pointing out structural injustice. It is simpler to disregard someone's message when they are accused of being impolite.
When someone's communication style is prioritized over the subject matter they are attempting to deliver, this is known as tone policing. For example, Black women are more likely than men and white individuals to be accused of being impolite, as mentioned in the previous section.
The goal of tone policing is to prevent someone from pointing out structural injustice. It is simpler to disregard someone's message when they are accused of being impolite. Pay more attention to the underlying message than the meaning of someone's words when their communication style looks impolite. Are they communicating important information in a manner that differs from how you are accustomed to it? If so, think on what you may acquire instead of getting caught up in your interpretation of their intentions.
THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING DIRECT.
There are numerous advantages to direct contact;
You can tell exactly what someone is trying to say, what they're seeking from you, and what to expect when they are direct.
Guesswork is minimal, if it exists at all. The ability to accept that an individual is straightforward and not impolite fosters trust.
They don't have to be concerned about hidden agendas, and we can trust them whenever they say something.
It is efficient to communicate directly. Hesitating and evading the subject at hand is a waste of time.
When direct communication is seen as direct rather than impolite, it reduces ambiguity and avoids misunderstandings.
Better connections with those who are mistakenly viewed as "rude" when they are actually being straightforward can be achieved by adopting a direct communication style.
REPERCUSSIONS FOR BEING RUDE.
Whether on purpose or not, those who are viewed as impolite suffer from interpersonal, professional, and personal repercussions, such as:
Rejection by others who don't want to talk to someone they perceive as being impolite.
Being rejected because of their communication style for promotions or other career prospects.
Losing employment if the offensive conduct is judged to be significant enough to justify dismissal.
Frequent disputes between people.
HOW TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD WITHOUT BEING RUDE.
It is crucial to remember that the so-called "rude" person is not at blame for tone policing or preconceptions that cause directness to be interpreted as impolite. It is ineffective and unhelpful to hold someone who suffers from systemic harm responsible for how others view their communication.
Having said that, those who wish to change their style of communication to be less impolite or who actually have a tendency to be abrupt and disrespectful might utilize these suggestions to shift their communication style away from rudeness and toward directness:
Be straightforward and succinct, and say what you mean. What details are you attempting to convey?
Don't repeat yourself or add extraneous words when sharing that. Remain factual. Don't share your thoughts or opinions on the subject.
Don't use offensive words. Cursing at someone is not straightforward. Almost invariably, this will be regarded as impolite. Request clarification.
To prevent misunderstandings, make sure you comprehend what you are replying to. Make use of "I" statements to make it clear that you are referring to your own experience and perception.
Remember Direct behavior may be misinterpreted as rude due to bias and prejudice. Identity, neurotype, and culture all affect how we understand someone's communication.
By being aware of these prejudices, one can avoid mislabeling straightforward speech as unpleasant and streamline conversation.
Furthermore, people who may communicate more bluntly can try to be straightforward without coming out as impolite.