I headed out in my Audi Quatro today.

The mission was xmas shopping. As I trundled along in town heading to a supermarket, I noted many people alone in cars (again) were wearing a face diaper.
Hmm I thought, there must be new rules on the TV set (I never watch) from Mein Führer the dick-tator.

I hastily gathered up supplies & headed home, this time in more of a hurry, (I nearly ran 3 grannies over and a stray monkey) - to see what zee new rules were from the Davos cronies in charge.
And there they were online, at the gov website.

In the UK they once said people over 6 feet tall are more at risk of catching the rona, I shit yee not, but here today they were saying above 3 feet, so the new orders were as follows.

• Gimp up with a face nappy/diaper when driving.

• When outside walk on all fours with a cork up the rectum/anus.

• Wear a condom at all times.

• Fit ear plugs.

The explanation was that the rona only enters holes so all must be covered.

It is also illegal to wear the but-plug outside of clothing due to backfires and the chances of endangering a stranger.

1 elderly lady was blinded this morning when a rather large gent let go of a large one, 2 other people suffered serious methane poisoning, and were rushed to hospital but refused treatment as they had no vax pass, because hey, hospitals care.

@Frot was filled with joy as below.

Frot had emailed about his delight, but I had missed it as I had set off early.

I decided to do a selfie for frot armed with a cake I had baked last night for xmas.
I realised the error of my ways after offering him a slice.

I had given up drinking several months before.

Old habits die hard.

Somehow I ended up with my boot full of beer, wine and even 1 litre of vodka. Well we are having one guest over, and my mother in law may want a drink, she likes tea best.
(Promise not to phone you Waza and Shady geever shepz.) Honest :-)

Safe in the knowledge I had kept all the corks from the wine I had drunk over the last few years, as I wanted to make a statue of Karl Marx from them in my sauna, I suddenly realised I was ahead of the curve.

With Mein Führer stating the state were going to open new shops to provide the masses of morons with condoms and corks at $150 for a bag of each. I knew I had the edge on them, sure I had no condoms to sell, but corks I have a plenty.

I also cooked up a dastardly plan to replace the condoms with plastic bags cut down to mask wearing males sizes, 1/2 inch to extra large 1 inch sizes. I also bought 200 boxes of rubber bands, so they could keep turning the bands and folding over till tight.

There may be a side effect as in the penis dropping off, but doubt they use it so feel certain they will not notice anyway.

So I decided to call @lucylin in the land of a thousand smiles, well it was until they all masked up, now when you ask for a go-go girl, a welder comes along.

Here is our very own infamous lucylin.

I could not get a word of sense out of him, we chatted for 1 hour and all I could get the gist of is he was not happy with Hive still.
(Nothing new there then.)

I decided I had enough minutes to call my buddy in the UK, Michael Vickerage.

Yes I know you want to see what he looks like, so here he is on the Christmas cards he sent to all his friends and family.

He told me Greta was now a climate change denier and she had decided she could dance to make it rain, as she now self identifies as a native American.

She has also denounced any loyalty to the NWO and Davos and promises never to grimace ever again.

In a truly shocking development today.

Boris Johnson the buffoon the terminology he is fondly mocked by, put out a shock bulletin that he was leaving the Davos club, and resigning from government with immediate effect, as he want to be a male model instead.

My friend Warren was soooo happy, he made him a GIF.

Upon hearing the news and not to be outdone, Simon Shep-hard was not going to be upstaged by anyone, especially Waza. So he made this.

Now in the interests of their Ménage à trois, we need to leave them to celebrate in the sauna and or shower. In private.

Best of luck guys, hope the 3 some works out well for you, p.s. K Y jelly is on sale in Walmart and also Tesco.

Wishing everyone a superb Christmas, have a fantastic family time, be good, or be very good at being bad.

If you have been good santa will be along in 2 days time, if like me you have not, buy yourself a nice present.

Got to laugh it all, or you cry.

Have a stunning weekend.