- How can someone you love so much few years ago become someone you do not want to see?
- Is there not a problem somewhere that needs to be addressed?
There are several causes of failed marriages but one of it will be discussed in this posts.
Type of love
- Eros: Romantic, passionate love.
This is the kind of love upon which the foundation of marriages were built. It is the attraction to another person's physical being or beauty and it is characterized by obsession and desire.
This is the kind of love that will make you feel uncomfortable if you have not heard from your partner in a day. It is a drive which is most cases cannot be controlled but this kind of love reduces over time as you become familiar with your partner.
- Philia: Intimate, authentic friendship
The kind of love that exits between friends cannot be compared to the kind of love that exist between family. Even if your family are not good, you will still love them but the kind of love that exists between friends which is as a result of intimacy is called Philia.
This love is one part destiny and other part, choice and it is characterized by intimacy, knowing, and soul-to-soul bonds. It’s encouraging, kind, and authentic. It is loyal and protective.
- Ludus: Playful love
This is mostly common among teenagers and youths and it is mostly attributed to those that are regarded as playboy and playgirl. It is infatuation, toying, flirtation. It describes the situation of having a crush and acting on it. It's rooted in having fun, whatever that means specifically to you. Of all the Greek words for love, this one more than others comes without any eros or philia attachment.
It is without any implications of obligation.
- Storge: Unconditional, familial love
The kind of love that exists between family members cannot be defined within the context of philia. You will love your siblings even if they are not doing something good.
For the fact that your parent Hurst you does not mean that you will not love them. This kind of love breaks the rule of friendship because it is beyond friendship as it is a connection both in the natural by blood and in the supernatural by lineage.
Storge is driven by familiarity and need and is sometimes thought of as a one-way love. For instance, consider a mother loving her baby before the baby is aware enough to love her back. Storge can also describe a sense of patriotism toward a country or allegiance to the same team.
- Philautia: Self-love
This is the kind of love that reimburse self esteem. You love yourself not because you are asked to do so but because it is an obligation for you to achieve what you want to achieve.
For example, buying yourself a new gift for completing a project. Taking yourself out after a stress week or day. These are not moved by others but by your own desire to express love to yourself.
- Pragma: Committed, companionate love
Pragma is love built on commitment, understanding and long-term best interests, like building a family. Over time, eros can turn into pragma as a couple grows to honor, respect, and cherish each other, accepting of differences and learning to compromise. It is everlasting love rooted in romantic feelings and companion but committed.
This type of love is not expressed by emotions alone but it is driven by commitment to someone irrespective of the circumstances.
- Agape: Empathetic, Universal love
Agápe is love for others that's inclusive of a love for God, nature, strangers, or the less fortunate. It's generally an empathetic love toward humanity itself and is sometimes connected to altruism since it involves caring for and loving others without expecting anything in return.
After knowing the different kinds of love that we have, you might agree with me that one of the major problem faced by couples is moving from eros which is the foundation of their marriage to pragma which is commitment.
Pragma can be taken as an intentional love. You should love your wife not because you did not see any other person that is more beautiful than her but you should love her because she is your wife.
As a wife, you should love your husband not because you did not see anyone that can make you happy more than him but love him because he is your husband. Love as a result of commitment.
Many couples has got it wrong thinking marriages can be sustained by emotional love alone and that alone has caused more marriages to fail though it is not the only reason why marriages fail.
Thank you for reading till this end.
Till I cross your path again, I am like a ready made pen in the hand of the creator. I am
A²¹